advice:

if you can make an almost-4-year-old feel special, their behavior improves dramatically. and, if you can do it in the early am, when they wake up at an ungodly hour, long before the rest of the household is ready to stir, you might even get some extra sleep.

we have struggled with the fact that ava gets up an hour before carter would like to get up--i would be happy to get up with her, but i usually have to nurse carter back to sleep before i can do so. she does not want to wait for me to do that, and from her perspective, she feels a bit lonely and rejected, i am sure. but i am in a bind--if i get up and wake carter, he fusses and she does not get my attention. if i refuse to get up and try to put carter back to sleep, she fusses and wakes us up anyway, and she then either gets no attention or negative attention (in the form of "AVA! STOP JUMPING ON ME!"). and no matter what, the ugly tentacles of jealousy and disappointment and boredom grab hold of her emotions and everything spirals out of control, usually ending up in her getting in deeper trouble than she ever intended. not to mention the fact that she is hungry--probably starving--which does not help.

and then i had an idea. a wonderful, awesome idea (get the reference?)--give her a wakeup basket. we have a little basket that looks like something that you would go gather flowers in if you lived in 1850, and so it has a certain charm that attracts ava, and i told her that it would be ready in the morning, and her only job was to play quietly with whatever is in it. and then i filled it with quiet art supplies that she loves: envelopes, ribbon, glue stick (not her favorite, but she can forget about real glue), a spiral bound mini-pad, some pencils, a few crayons (never used. in her words: i'm just not a crayon person). and a few mini-marshmallows. call me a bad mother, but a shot of sugar is exactly what she needs, and she thinks it is amazing that mom is breaking a very firm rule.

result? HOURS of quiet play. HOURS. even after we wake up, she continues to play. and carter joins in. the last few mornings, i have been able to sit in the glider, drink my coffee, and watch them fuss around with all of the art supplies, completely occupied. it is bliss.

and she is completely psyched--she feels special, that is obvious--she has repeatedly come up to me and thrown herself in my arms and said "thank you mommy for my wake-up basket." she thrives on the activity, and she anticipates teh surprises-each night i add something different, and after the 1st night i got over my anxiety and let her have her scissors. she makes "presents" for people, and lately she has been very into drawing squares--either on her own or boxing her name in -- and often she will draw a square and then bisect it perfectly (give or take) with a line that starts on one side and ends at the other and does not cross the line. this in know is a new writing-oriented skill--to be able to control the pencil as well as to be concerned with keeping the dividing line within the boundaries of the larger shape. and of course, she continues to be a minimalist--she will take a huge piece of paper, put a teeny tiny sticker on it and bring it to me with all the pride she can muster. as far as she is concerned, it is a masterpiece. this is in keeping with her past artistic efforts. one mark. done. and now that she is allowed to have her scissors, she draws something, boxes it in, and then cuts out the box, and puts it in an envelope. it is great.

and my god! envelopes and cards and spiral bound mini-notebooks! what an amazing fascination she has with them. i need to stock up. carter loves them too--i gave him a crayon (blue), and a tiny 2x4 notebook in the car, and he spent 45 mintes writing in it. not sure he gets envelopes, but he is finally keen on art on paper. vs art in his mouth.

speaking of carter--ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava? ava?....

he wants to do everything for her. god forbid i hand her a toothbrush.. you would think the world had collapsed around him. he immediately will burst into tears, crying AVA, and pointing to himself. translation: "i wanted to give ava that toothbrush, and now that you have done it, the world will never be the same again..." it is amazing. there must be doves singing hymns around her head in his world.

to her credit, she is generally very patient and very good about bringing him up to speed with How This Game Works, and How Things Need To Be.