if you spill a bag of potato chips into a sink full of water, they don't disintegrate. they reconstitute into potatoes.

if you are patient, and wait 3x the time the recipe calls for, you can get curds and whey on the first try at cheesemaking. after a day of separating the 2, we now have something resembling (in appearance and taste) ricotta. not bad. it is currently hanging in the refrigerator, draining the last of the whey, and hopefully forming itself into a little ball.

we all had dinner together--the whole family--this usually is 45 minutes of chaos, because it is a rarity and very exciting for the kids. but tonight, everyone stayed politely in their seats, no bickering over who gets to sit in daddy's lap, who gets to eat the meat that daddy cut (no one wants the meat i cut up), no spills, no whining, no poor behavior at all. not only that, but it was supplemented with efforts at politeness that went above and beyond the expectations--ava offered to get me a drink, a napkin, to give me some of her meat, asked if i had had enough, did i want her chair because it was so comfortable--on and on. earlier, she recognized that i was a bit stressed over carter's whining, and she took it upon herself to entertain him, take care of him, get him something to eat and so on--i looked at her and said "ava, thank you so much. that was very kind--to both of us." she beamed.

so that's good. perhaps i am going to succeed in my efforts to raise thoughtful kids.

because i was nearly pulling my hair out with carter today. he is a really great kid most days, but when not 100%, wowie. the world comes to an end and he is just devastated over everything. for example, the other night he was very very very angry that it was dark out. could he have picked anything harder to gloss over or distract from? i mean, we have windows. no hiding the inky darkness beyond them. and he was really upset. throw himself on the floor on his belly, arms over his head, cheek smushed into the floor "my life is over"-style.

today, he was just not wanting anything other than to wash dishes or nurse. washing dishes means a lot of towels, moving all danger out of the way, and no hope of doing anything in the kitchen for myself. sometimes it is really not convenient for the advancement of the family's daily agenda. i let him do it about 6 times, then i was out of towels (they are all frozen solid on our porch right now).

and nursing, well, my enthusiasm for it is a little diminished. i mean, i know he is sick, and so i should just plunk down and acquiesce, but there comes a moment, when after HOURS of it, you just say "no. sorry." and then he loses it. and then he looks at you with those eyes and the guilt. my god. so today, when that moment came, that is when ava, bless her soul, stepped in. (5 minutes after swatting him with a small stick, but whatever). i was so proud of her. she saw that he needed help, i needed help, and figured out the best way to accomplish that (string cheese).

she is learning. and learning fast. things upset her too, but her disappointment emerges less as anger and more as total disappointment, crumpled face, tears spring out of her eyeswithin 2 seconds of the offense. the world is also over for her but with a lot more sturm und drang--this cuts to the depths of her 4 year old soul, whereas with carter it is very much about trying to control the exterior of his existence. to be honest, the devastation that she exhibits is a lot easier to deal with--sympathy and hugs work. it is like the empathy switch got flicked a few months ago, and not only can she exhibit it, but she also NEEDS it. all kids need it, obviously, but carter does not recognize it when it is offered and when it helps him. ava does. and she appreciates it. in that regard, i am gaining new respect from her. for the last year, i had become something of a bore. now, i think she sees that perhaps i understand her.

this does not mean that she is an angel--oh no. but her behavior is getting easier to interpret and manage. and carters is getting more difficult to interpret and mollify. but one thing is certain. if he knows he has done something wrong, he will move heaven and earth to get to me and give me a kiss. and his kisses, snotty and smoochy, are just the best.