i have not posted in over a month, this is due to my preoccupation with ava's school thing (not good--will post a long story later, probably), the kids' skating thing, and my pregnancy thing. i hit a wall with the pregnancy a few weeks ago, and just could not find any motivation.

i have had so many contractions over the last few weeks, however they were all non-productive etc. then last tuesday (at 38 weeks), i thought it was really the day. it was totally miserable--the contractions were not consistent, but definitely strong and uncomfortable. i figured, ok, soon. then on wednesday i felt terrific. and thursday am, i felt superb. then on thursday, 1/2 hour before i was to pick up the kids at school (ava does half-days now, that is part of the school thing), i suddenly could not see. there was a jagged flashing half-circle in my left eye that would not go away, and then it just got worse. eventually i could not actually focus--later i read a description of an ocular migraine as "looking through a broken window" and this was apt. i thought of it as seeing the world through cubist glasses. so i called peter, said "i can't see. i need you to take me to urgent care." NOT the phone call he thought he was going to get. by the time i got into the car, it was starting to resolve, but i was feeling really weird. so we went. on the way, i told him that he also had to go get the kids from school. his reaction was one of competent calmness mixed with disbelief. so, there we were, in the waiting room, and while i could see, technically, it also felt like i could not see. like things were oddly blurry. and then i suddenly becamse VERY cold in my extremities, started to shake, felt numb, and then burst into tears--but it was so weird because the tears were not associated with fear or sadness or anything--it was like incontinence of the eyes. i said "peter, something is very very wrong!" and then it was sort of like a scene from a movie--he leaped up, yelled for help, the entire staff came running (judging my the number of feet i saw), and they got me into a wheelchair. riding in a wheelchair with your eyes closed in a building that you are familiar with is very weird. the halls seem 3x as long. ultimately, they got me in a room, hooked up to an iv, feet up, vitals taken, blood drawn. i lay there for a long time and slowly started to feel better. turned out i was dehydrated even though i drink a TON of water, anemic, and had low blood albumin. this was eventually all attributed to the compounding effects of ulcerative colitis -- which is apparently doing me in this time -- and the pregnancy. i eventually was discharged, then 1/2 hour later returned with ava because she needed to be cultured for strep. which was positive. again. i floored the doctor when i asked for zithromax tablets vs suspension, but it is a LOT easier to get ava to swallow a pill vs. drink a medicine she finds vile.

on friday, i felt great. then at 3 pm, things started getting crampy. then they increased in length, and came pretty regularly for a long time--several hours. i packed the bags, called my mom, put her on alert, and asked her to come by, just in case. everything kept ncreasing in intensity, and i finally said "i think i am in labor." so off we went. got the kids in the hotel room, (the hospital is about an hour away), put them to sleep, which was easy because by the time we got there it was 9 pm, put nana in the bed next to them, and went to the hospital. i was contracting every 6 minutes, they were pretty strong, but i was only 2 cm dilated. so, they put me on a bolus of fluid. now, apparently, in order to have a bolus, i needed to be stuck with a 20 guage needle. for those of you unfamiliar with needle dimensions, this is a very large needle. much like having a fork tine jabbed in your vein. and it did not work. my vein did not cooperate, and it was the one on the side of my wrist, where there are a ton of bones, not much fat, and a good bit of scar tissue from my broken wrist. i was literally writhing in pain as she tried to get it in. peter later commented that i had been very calm. huh. perspective is interesting. so, the shift changed and the new nurse tried again, this time in the back of my left hand. it did not work again. by this point i was assuming that it had to do with the low albumin or something, because i have never been in this situation. she then said 'i am going to try again, but if it does not work, i am calling iv therapy' -- i said 'what is that?' and she said 'the people that do ivs and only ivs all day long' -- i almost said 'why in god's name haven't you called them already??' but i let her have another go at it. in her words, the "vein blew immediately." so, 20 min later, iv therapy arrives. guess what they have? NOVACAINE. hello??? i was so relieved, but on the other hand, so frustrated that it was so easily obtained -- it felt like i had been put through gratuitous pain. and believe me, i don't mind needles, and tend not to mind ivs--i have had my fair share of them, and they are not great but they are not terrible. this needle was truly terrible.

so, hooked up to a bolus of fluid, and the fetal monitor, i was then asked a zillion questions, and given a ton of paperwork. i sent peter to the hotel to get some sleep, since i knew it was going to be a long night, and they finally left me alone sometime around 1 am. however, i felt like i was not allowed to do anything to get the labor to progress--they wanted me to sleep, and they wanted the monitor on me, and i had to be on my back in bed. and when the first bag of fluids was empty, they put another in me. and another. (my ankles reflected this dramatically). i found this incredibly frustrating. and sure enough, the contractions started to space themselves further and further apart. i was so upset because i felt like they would inevitably send me home in the morning, and after going through everything that i had gone through i really did not want to have to do that. not to mention that when i did get a contraction, it was pretty intense, and not the regular braxton hicks that i had been experiencing. but eventually they were down to 2 per hour, then 1 per hour. needless to say i did eventually sleep. in the morning, they were almost gone.

then the morning nurse came in and said "well, i hope you are not in labor. do you want to know why?" and i looked at her expectantly, and she said "because the doctor on call will not do VBACs, and if you are in labor you will be getting a c-section." i almost fell out of my seat. i had been told that every practice at the hospital supported VBACs, and here i was, being told that this was not the case, and that if i were to be in labor i was having surgery. i looked at her and said "if i am going to have a c-section, i am going home and having it in saranac lake. there is NO WAY i am going to be post-op in the hospital for 5 days an hour away from my house with 2 kids." she nodded and said she understood. i was in shock. turns out the midwife on call who had ordered the fluids and the monitoring was actually trying to get my labor to stop, i just did not know that. why no one mentioned it to me is beyone me. i would have tried harder to sleep, vs sitting up, trying to get off my back.

however, ultimately i did not have to worry, because the stress of that statement caused my labor to come to an absolute screeching halt. the doctor came in eventually and declared me in 'false' labor, and discharged me. no one ended up with any sleep, my mom winning the prize with 1 hour, the kids spectacularly wound up after getting up at 5 am, peter slept fitfully, and i slept maybe 2.5 hours. so we all went home, and managed to get through the day to 6 pm, when we all collapsed.

today (sunday), i have had recurring contractions, nothing like friday night, but lost my mucous plug, so something is certainly happening, albeit at a very drawn out pace. as of 7 am tomorrow, i am safe to go to plattsburgh and avoid a c-section. or at least be allowed to avoid a c-section. so, we made it to the end of the weekend.

eventually a baby is going to come out. not sure when though!