thomas the train has been recalled. for lead paint. lead F#*&ing paint. it is only some of the parts, but how do we know for sure? i cannot believe this, primarily because our thomas trains are a big favorite.

you know, i spend hours and hours of research and effort to try and make sure that my kids are safe, especially from lead--and then this happens. i know not to get ava plastic jewelry from the grocery store, but thomas the train? at 20$ a pop? do you think they could have afforded to institute some quality control?

of course this leads to the current can of worms about manufacturing in china, but what it boils down to is that i feel so unsafe. totally at the mercy of free trade...

anyway, new rules on toys in this house. handmade only. just kidding. but not that much.

i know i have not written anything, i have been so incredibly busy it seems. who knows what i am doing, but by 8 pm, i am not able to remember anything that happened during the day.

carter now says "AVA!" or "AAAAAVVVVVVIIIIIEEEEEE" (he puts a nice little eeeeeee at the end--aveee), "DAD!" "DAAAAADDDDDIIIIIEEEEEEE!" "MOM!" "MAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" rarely is it every without the exclamation point, unless he is trying to pull heartstrings and he whimpers "daddy? daddy. daddy. daddy?" after said individual leaves for work.

and he has figured out that now that he can say her name, he can also tattle on her. apparently she bit him in a fit of frustration (he would not do what she wanted, so she bit him--always a good management tactic), and when i asked what happened, he said "ava..." and then he bit his arm. she looked completely shocked. i guess she figured i would not notice her dental fingerprint on his bicep.

he also has total surfer dude hair. curly, long and blond. very cute. very messy.

ava has changed dramatically. she no longer thinks big machines, planes and motorcycles are cool. i am not sure where she figured it all out, but she has decided what things are 'girl' things, and what things are 'boy' things, and she is absolutely determined not to be seen enjoying anything that might be a product of testosterone. she separates everything into the girl's and boy's sides/pieces/parts/places/etc. if it can be assigned a gender role, it is. even when we went for a walk on a dirt road, the left wheel track was for the boys (carter) and the right wheel track was for the girls (ava and myself). it is so interesting. and all she wants to wear are dresses and to look pretty. i remember thinking this way when i was in 1st grade, and i do wonder where little girls get it. it definitely is an aesthetic, and i am fairly sure the jury is still out on whether or not aesthetic preferences are innate. i am pretty confident that my ratty old clothes, lack of makeup, sporadic beautification efforts, and complete lack of anything girly or pink or shiny in my day to day existence has done nothing to foster her state of mind.

and it drives her absolutely nuts when carter likes the pink shiny things. "no carter! that is for GIRLS!" -- but he still is blissfully naive and thinks nothing of parading around the house with a victoria's secret shopping bag.

they play together now, and they laugh together. it is great. they play. together. with smiles and giggles. did i mention how pleased i am? they like each other. most of the time. they spent hours today making concoctions out of soapy water and buckets and dirt and sand and kitchen utensils. (ava is still very happy to get dirty).

The summer nature watch has begun:
1. Some animal ate up all of our crocus bulbs. Left us with perfect round holes, so we can replace them, I guess.
2. Red winged blackbirds (a pair) visited out birdfeeder. Very weird, since we are in the woods and they are marshy-type birds.
3. Caterpillars galore
4. A pair of juncos has taken over the robin’s nest from last year. Their eggs have hatched, and the family appears to be doing well. There is a robin couple, but we have not yet located their nest.
5. All of my seedlings have died, save for those that I gave up on and plunked outside in the cold rain and snow. They are thriving. So much for grow lights.
6. Carter’s potatoes are thriving. Give a kid a potato and a pot of dirt, and you have food for a year. (Tell that to the Irish).
7. The tadpoles are out, very interesting
8. My perennials have all come back up. SO AMAZING. I can’t grow a vegetable to save my life, but I sure as heck can get flowers.
9. Ava and Carter have decided that the kiddie pool is no fun unless you shovel hundreds of pounds of dirt into it. We now have our own little swamp, begging to be declared a wetland and thus protected from any further development.
10. The bugs are still vicious.
11. We found a spider with an egg sac (deep breath)
12. We found the exoskeleton of what I think was a cricket (deep breath)
13. We found some bizarre flowery-pine cone-y thing that we cannot identify
14. Rose and the chipmunks have declared full-on war.
15. Strawberry-picking soon…
Everything is green, sunny and warm. Life is looking pretty great. Muddy and sandy, but great.

this would not be an accurate blog if it did not include at least one 'adventures in breastfeeding' story, and today is the day for it. i have suffered from what i assumed was a clogged milk duct for a while--it happens periodically, but with enough frequency that it has become more of a concern than an annoyance. and it is always the same place, same symptoms, and same "gee i feel like crap and this really hurts" type of attitude from me. and as anyone who has had one can attest, they really do hurt. so, i did all of the things that are listed on all of the standard websites for getting it to go away, barring cabbage leaves in my bra-and i would have done that but i don't have any cabbage and wasting 3 hours to go get a head of cabbage seemed silly, but it was all to no avail. nothing helped--the hot compresses, the hot bath, the nursing, nothing. so i kept googling 'clogged milk duct' and any and all synonyms. then i came upon the following suggestion: "sterilize a pin and gently insert it into your nipple to get rid of any dead skin that might be causing the problem..." they went on to assure readers that this did not hurt. oh, sure. sounds like a great plan. but, i honestly would have preffered the pain of a pin in my nipple over this, so off i went to the bathroom. i assembled the alchohol, the pin, etc., took a deep breath and tried to pop my balloon.

there was a white spot that i assumed was the issue (for some reason i keep imagining yourt or sour cream getting trapped), and it really did not hurt to move it aside ever so gently. and then.

it was like old faithful. milk came streaming out of me at full force--i did not have to do anything. i was just standing there. i started to laugh, and this got ava's attention, and she poked her head in, saw what was happening, and started to get hysterical. this got carter's attention, and he came in, and he laughed, but then looked at me and opened his mouth...he could not believe that i was allowing this to go down the drain. but i just could not allow myself to turn and aim it at him. that was too much. so i told him it was sour milk.

eventually, the duct drained and i was no longer in pain. despite the entertainment value, i hope never to have to resort to that again.

carter said "please" yesterday and "sushi" today!!!! it was more like plrlrleeesh and oooshi, but discernable nonetheless. it seems that he is adding words with enthusiasm now. suddenly he wants our praise and support -- before he seemed to loathe it. language is fun now! though i still love det-do, which has been around for a while. though it is now more like detit-do, thereby closer to credit card and thus more believable when i say "that means credit card" to a doubting adult.

but there is one problem. now he won't be quiet. it takes us 40 minutes to drive just about anywhere, and he screams "MAMA?!" "MAMA?!" "MAMA?!" so that i can respond "carter?" the WHOLE TIME.

the trip to burlington went fine--easy. carter snoozed a little bit at the end, and then we went inside, dr gary saw us, all is well (as i expected), 5 minutes later we were scheduling our 6 month follow up and we were out of there. good thing we went for that obviously crucial event.

we went to kidstown to get some car-friendly activities. a little difficult to control the kids in what is essentially a giant toystore, but we managed to emerge with some john deere replicas of large earth-moving vehicles (big digger, grader, dump truck, some jeep-looking thing and a bulldozer), some ridiculous dress-up shoes for ava (purple marabou feathers), and a bunch of car-art activities. then we tried to leave vermont. i knew there was a reason i don't live in vermont. you cannot escape. their major north-south highway takes you deeper into new england, and further away from new york. so, if you want to get back to the dark side, you have to travel along these crazy country roads to either a ferry or the bridge at the southern end of lake champlain. either way, it takes hours to travel 40 miles. FINALLY we crossed into ny, figured out how to get to 87 south, and instantly hit construction....it was like driving in peanut butter. we had been in the car for 2 hours, and we still had 120 miles to go. and then ava had to go potty. "tinkle or poopy, honey?"..."poopy." "oh, ok." reststop. where is the reststop? 5 miles go by. i know the sign said it was soon. where is it? oh, come on, reststop, where are you? no reststop. parking area. no facilities. whatever. we parked, i hauled out the little potty, put it between the open doors of the front and back seats, and sat ava down. wipes...wipes...where are you wipes? ah, toilet paper, good. ok. "all done, honey?" "no. 5 more minutes" "ok, well, it's hot out, can you try to go a little faster?" "ok--i'm all done!" "good job ava, pull your pants up, good, ok, back in your car seat, ok, there you go, all buckled in." and then i looked for the garbage can. garbage can...where are you? garbage can? no garbage can. pack it in, pack it out. IN WHAT??????? oh, look. a plastic bag. that will sort of work. and here is a mcdonald's cup. plastic bag in mcdonalds cup. bury it in the back of the car.

and we were off again. we actually made it in good spirits all the way to saugerties, ny. no crying, no fussing, lots of stories and pretend digging. incredible. the kids were champs. we found our campground and went to the office. the very nice man that managed the campground said "well, i saw that you were a woman traveling with 2 kids, so i figured you would want to be close to everything, so you are right here near the office and our house and the palyground and there is another group with a small child right next door. it was very thoughtful and a perfect spot for us. we parked and i let the kids out and carter ran in circles for the entire half hour that it took me to set up the tent and put all of our things in it (we decided to sleep in the car since there was an indeterminant chance of a thunderstorm). then we hit the playground, which included a huge red real firetruck that the kids could climb on. the playround itself was superb--well maintained and little-kid friendly. they played til dark, then we all collapsed (at ava's request, actually) in the car. it was really a great way to break up the trip--hotels have their advantages, but for small children, this is a great way to keep them occupied and active and happy. and they cannot locate a tv anywhere. as for safety, which so many people seem to be concerned about, i swear this was safer than many of the hotel rooms i have stayed in with them. the campground was filled with retirees and children and believe me, had there been an issue, no one would have slept through it. when we woke up, i made myself some incredibly gross instant coffee and we went straight to the playground. what a nice way to wake up--in my opinion, waking up outside is just about the best thing in the whole world. we finally packed up and cleaned up and drove to pa. not difficult at all, it was an easy 2 hours. it was raining when we got here, but the kids had a good time outside anyway. playing in the rain is fun. no two ways about it. tomorrow is the big party to celebrate da's new office. ava is practically bursting at the seams to wear her 'cinderella dress.'

despite all of the above, we decided to go ahead and get a hotel room here in pa. i think it is for the best, since nana nad da are trying to get ready for an important event, and their minds are definitely elsewhere. and we got a room that is quite nice, with a hot tub just down the hallway and a pool somewhere else in the building that we will visit tomorrow. and yes, despite the above comment, i am fairly certain i am safe here as well. granted, i was not thrilled with the monster truck sporting the confederate flag license plate in the parking lot, but i gathered they were not guests, and were picking up a friend. perhaps they were going to go play with some sheets or something. it's funny. you can gentrify all you want, but those rednecks, they just don't get the hint. i probably should not have looked at them, rolled my eyes, and said "now that's quality," but please. could you think of a more blatant way to advertise your mental void? they may be people that could do damage to someone, sure, but my god, how much more could you isolate yourself from progress than by leaping onto an ancient bandwagon of hatred?

the kids have changed--i cannot put my finger on it, but ava is definitely different--her sense of humor is expanding (i refuse to say it is maturing, given her penchant for potty humor...), her capacity to understand others is growing--it is all so abstract, really. and carter is definitely more of a little boy. they are playing together now, and really playing--laughing ridiculously at their games, which he clearly understands and takes part in. today it was a convoluted game of chase and surprise. i never figured out the rules, but then again, i was unnecsessary. in the car they 'danced' together, waving their arms in the same way, bouncing in the same way -- ava's way, of course, but that is cool with carter.

it is even more fun to have conversations with her. i guess she is understanding abstract concepts now, and can ruminate on them and tell me what she is thinking. and of course, this influences her imagination and the stories she tells. she has come up with about 5 different stories in the last 24 hours, and this time the longest one was not a baby coyote, but rather a baby fox. and now it was a real imaginary fox--it was RIGHT THERE! DON'T SIT ON HER!!! and the story went on and on and on.

but she still does persist in asking me to tell her stories, and this is hard sometimes. either i have to retell one that i made up the day before, and thus have all sorts of pressure to remember the plot, or i have to make one up and thus have all sorts of pressure to come up with a plot. i know she does not care, but i do, and it really bothers me that i decided to incorporate hippos into a story that was taking place in farm-country, simply because i could not think of any other river animal fast enough. and i hate that i lift plot lines and characters out of her books. so, today i had a brainstorm. use my own life. but make my life the adventures of icoceles, the wandering mouse. it went over really well. ava loved the adventures, and i had no problem keeping forward momentum. of course, i adapted it for a mouse, but that was easy enough. i daresay it was brilliant.

going to a store has become very difficult. if she walks through the grocery store, she picks at least one thing from every aisle to beg for--and more often it is 3 or 4 or 5 things. the other day, we were in the plastic bags and reynolds wrap aisle, and i thought, nah, no way she is going to want something here. but then i hear, "mom? can we get these? please? i have always wanted these..."

i turned around and she was holding a box of hefty garbage bags. "PLEEAAASE? i LOVE these bags. i really really want them..."

garbage bags.

obviously, it is the act of getting her something and not the thing itself that matters. which is good--i can save a lot of money that way.

tomorrow we go on an adventure--we drive to burlington (2.5 hrs), see the dentist for carter, then drive to saugerties, ny (2.5 hrs), go camping at a koa, then wake up and finish the drive to PA (2.5 hrs). about 7.5 hours in the car. not so so bad, but not great, either. the kids are pretty psyched about camping. it is not the backcountry, but there is a lot to be said for a campground: playgrounds, playrooms, space to tear around, other kids perhaps...

we'll see. it is a test run.