my god, gardening is hard work. i have been scrambling to get plants in the ground for the last week or so, and every night i am literally paralyzed -- my lower back/hips/legs are screaming in pain. it took me a while, but i finally figured it out. holding carter while i do all of the watering is not helping either.

but it looks nice, and is looking nicer. but i swear, if we ever leave this house, these perennials are coming with me! they are part of the family now. next i am going to tackle planting a shrub or two.

ava has been a good helper, other than watering the zucchini mounds to such an extent that they washed away (see mom and dad? i told you we would need at least seven!). her favorite activity has been making mud. and we have a spot where 40,000 pansies are coming up in a 4 square inch plot. spreading the seeds is not her forte.

we are all so glad that it is summer. i think i can handle anything as long it is summer.

carter is getting more and more confident with the standing/cruising thing. he even let go and stayed standing for a moment while he shifted his hands--i think he forgot that he was not holding on. and he LOVES the little 3-inch step beteween the living room and the porch. back and forth, back and forth, back and forth....

i have decided that i am going to learn to sew, and then fashion a little suit out of swiffer thingamajigs, put it on carter, and let him clean the floor. the pollen is so bad, i swept it up 4 times today before i gave up. i cannot describe this. it comes off the trees in a yellow green cloud, and covers everything. everywhere. when you are in the midst of it, you start to wonder if your eyesight is failing. it has settled on every conceivable surface, and our house is basically green. inside and out. it almost obscures the view out the window. i have never experienced this. last year was bad, but nothing like this.

but the good part is that neither ava nor carter are sniffling/sneezing/coughing or anything. so much for allergies. (?!) though they have been eaten alive by the bugs. we all have. ava destroys her bug bites, just like me. i have not told her, but she has figured out that if you scratch them enough, they will stop itching. instead, they just hurt. which is preferable. to nip this in the bud, i have been hauling out the hydrocortisone for the worst offenders. but she still seems to find one to dig into oblivion. usually on the nape of her neck.

at least we will be able to swim soon. looking forward to the beach.

I am still working as much as I can in my free time, and thus still not able to write as much about the kids (believe me, they are more interesting than grant proposals, but you gotta do what you gotta do…), but I am going to try and take a little break here and at least get some stuff down for posterity.

We drove back to the Adirondacks yesterday AM, and all went really well until we were just outside of Cranberry Lake, which is about 45 minutes from home, and Ava casually says “Mom, I threw up.” I figured she meant that she had a little bit of a juicy burp, and looked back at her to see. She was absolutely covered in vomit. SCRREEEEEECH to a halt. She still remained calm and said with a sort of vague astonishment “there’s some lot of cheese in it too!” I wiped her down as best I could, took her out of the car seat, stripped her down, wiped her down more thoroughly, re-dressed her, wiped the car seat down, asked her if she needed water, did she feel ok now, etc, put her back in and got back on the road. The whole time, I kept thinking to myself “ahhhhhh…this is motherhood.” I find it amazing that I can plunge into a puddle of puke without ever even shuddering once. The power of love!

We spent the rest of the day at home, cleaning and unpacking. I have decided that if you have kids, the only way to travel is in HUGE chunks of time—otherwise the time spent preparing and recovering makes the endeavor pointless.

Today we had a birthday party to go to, so we scrambled to get to town in time to purchase a present. I have such a hard time with the whole present-selection thing. If you do not know what the child has already, it is hard. If you do not know the child very well it is hard. If you do not know the parents very well, it is hard. I mean, sometimes you can get a present that seems great, but then falls so flat because the parents are just not too keen on it, either because it is not in keeping with their child rearing values or because they think you are pushing your child rearing values on them! This may seem like an over reaction, but I distinctly remember one birthday party where the kid opened present after present of mechanized-plastic-walking-bouncing-singing-musical-buzzing-toys galore and was totally dreading the moment when my little wooden blocks and mini-garden set would be opened and I would be revealed as the “who does she think she is, better than all of us-mother.” And sure as sugar, my toy was shelved. And then there is the question of how much to spend. Anyway, this is all to say that I hate picking out birthday gifts. It was made a bit easier because I was getting it for people that are unbelievably nice, and I knew I did not have to really worry, but I still wanted it to be a good present.

Ava was just thrilled to go to the toy store.

Then we hauled our little entourage to Tupper Lake, the next town over, for a really fun birthday party. They had a jumping thing-a-ma-jig, where the kids go inside and it is inflated and they bounce around. There were a lot of kids in it when we got there, clearly having a good time. Ava held back, playing with some of the other toys, and you would have thought that she was not paying the slightest attention, but the minute the big kids cleared out to go eat, she took off across the lawn at top speed, sprinting to get into the thing while it was empty. I was so impressed that she was so on top of things. She had a great time, then retreated again when the kids came back. But there were 2 Great Danes to see, and icing to scrape off of a cake, and so she was still quite happy. It was fun.

It is interesting—Tupper Lake is routinely maligned by everyone in this area, particularly the people in Saranac Lake (and Saranac Lake is maligned by everyone in Lake Placid), but even though it is not particularly attractive, and even though they have some major issues with finding things for their kids to do, and even though it is economically depressed, and even though there is not a lot of drive to make things better, the people that I have met and known from Tupper Lake have almost across the board been genuine, and nice, and non-judgmental. It stinks that people in Saranac Lake put on airs and call Tupper Lakers white trash, assuming they are better than Tupper simply because they live in a town where the hospital is and thus all of the ‘professionals’ live. In some places, Saranac Lake is as bad, if not worse, than Tupper Lake. At least in Tupper, the people do not pretend to be better than the folks down the road. This is not a defense of Tupper Lake, it sure does need some help, but rather a sigh of frustration over living in an area that is so isolated and insular and obsessed with a ridiculous sense of drama. It is one thing to live here and appreciate the fact that we see bald eagles regularly, and I am thrilled that this is something that my kids can experience, but it is another thing altogether to live here and worry about the sort of social influence that the area can exert upon my children. For as much as I have wanted to live in town, I am actually very happy that we are as removed as we are. Perhaps this makes us a little island of a family, and not terribly community-involved, but who cares? We have friends and family beyond the confines of the tri-lakes, and well, there is a whole world out there, and no need to spend our time immersed in the theatrics that can paralyze people into doing nothing with their lives.

oh, what a week. i had to get down to PA for a meeting with the company that i am working for, and that was a trip. literally. it was so weird to go to an office. and be in a meeting. in a conference room. ava handled it really well. so did nana. i just up and left in the morning, twice. however, we are really looking forward to going home. we all miss daddy.

i had a hair disaster--went in for a trim and got butchered. it was horrendous. so i called, and asked to have it fixed. the result was even worse. i looked so awful. it was amazing. soooooo...i went to a new hairdresser and said chop it off a la Natalie Portman. and she did. enthusiastically. dad is going to have a cow, and ava looked at me funny, but it looks sort of cool.

more on the whole trip later. i am pretty beat.

carter has almost cut his two front teeth. we all will be in a better place when that happens.

Carter actually spent time outside today without putting everything in his mouth. He sat on the ground and played with everything, but only tried to put some of it in his mouth. I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. He is also starting to really comprehend a lot--he knows 'sit down,' 'yuck, not in the mouth,' 'where are your toys (or whatever),' 'do you want some cheese?' and I am sure a lot more.

I went swimming today. Not advised. The water is freezing. Take your breath away freezing, and I had a wet suit on. Hurts everywhere freezing. But, in a weird way, it felt good--the wetsuit did work after the water inside warmed up, and Ava and Carter thought it was hysterical as I swam around.

The bugs were awful though. We were eaten alive today. Gross. Ava is not a fan. Carter has no clue that they are biting him, and I always feel so badly when I look at him and there is one making a landing. And then he is left wondering why Mom suddenly goes berzerk, waving her hands all over the place 1 inch from his face.

They both appear to be struggling with the pollen.

He is entertaining himself more and more--I really am starting to (as I said before) see that light at the end of this tunnel. I actually got dishes and laundry done without scrambling like a madwoman trying to get as much done in the 3 minutes that he is content. Today he was content for a majority of the time. Unbelievable. It helps that he likes food.

We had a pretty good day today. Mom decided that time-outs are totally not a good idea for Ava. They seem to increase the negative behavior, not act as a deterrent. We have decided on a sticker system--earn 10 stickers, go to get ice-cream. Behave poorly, lose a sticker. Very simple. We will see how it goes. Carter had an exemplary nap this morning, and Ava got to paint to her heart's content. She painted a 'huge tall chimney' with a 'whale' next to it. When I asked her what was at the bottom, she said "dots" -- ah. Carter woke up and off we went to activities. We stopped at the airport, and were disappointed. So, we went to Lake Clear General Store and got sandwiches and drove to the bank. But not before the mylar balloon that I got for Mother's day floated out the back door while I was not looking. Ava started screaming something incomprehensible, and I looked up and saw it about 15 feet in the air. I felt so awful. She was DEVASTATED. So, after some inconsolable crying, I mentioned that we could get one at the grocery store, and don't you remember that we have to go to the bank? After trying one last time to come up with a means to get her balloon back by asking if the life flight (the 'hurt helicopter') helicopter could go get it (I was impressed by her resourcefulness) , she finally cheered up a bit. Ava has been waiting to go to the bank for WEEKS. She keeps asking me if I have any money to go to the bank, and when I say no, she tries to figure out how to get me some. The other week she said "I KNOW! You can use this! " and she pointed to the change in the ashtray in the car. Finally, I had some money to deposit, so Ava got her lollypop. She was a bit put out that she had to eat her sandwich first, but not that much. Then we went to Price Chopper and picked up a few staples--saw Chrissy and Adrian (Ava's age), and that was nice. They are, quite simply, nice human beings. Good people. And he is as cute as a button. We also got a new mylar balloon to the tune of $2.99 (?!?!). We went back out to the car where I clambered into the back seat with Ava and Carter and pulled out my impulse buy of the day: ReddiWhip. Oh, the fun we had. Mom scored super duper fun points for this one. I even let Carter have a little whipped cream squirt. He thought it was hysterical. So did Ava and so did I. We were laughing so hard. And we were a mess. After that we had tumbling, where I ran into another crew of nice moms and nice kids, and we had a bunch of fun running around. Carter loves tumbling. It is filled with soft things to crawl on, and is a blast for him. And then we all came home.

carter is 'putting' now. he has moved on from taking things out of containers, to putting things back in containers. and he is into giving. he will hold his treasure up, say 'ish' and then hold it out to you.

today was a mellow mother's day--peter, ava, carter and i all piled into the car at 10:30 and headed to the grocery store. we arrived at 2. we stopped at all of the usual stops: the airport, the playground, the airport, the gas station, the hardware store, and so on. i think ava was just thrilled to have daddy on our errands. and so was mom. so much easier to assign an adult to each child! i did not get the nap i sort of longed for, but that's ok, i'll get it eventually. perhaps in november. but i got to sit in the car and read the ny times while carter slept and dad played with ava at the playground. a real treat. especially since it was the sunday times.

my only wish is that the weather had been better.

oh, and cathy: so sorry about the fire alarm--i will try to call you back soon--the thing is so sensitive and i can never cook anything in the oven!

it is so weird to be a parent--on the one hand, you spend a ridiculous amount of time dealing with the profoundly mundane tasks of day to day existence: laundry, meals, diapers and their contents, vacuuming, dressing, undressing, redressing, bathing, buckling, grocery stores, and so on. but then, on the other hand, you are confronted with the monumentally profound tasks of teaching two human beings about life: values, emotions, beliefs, society, beauty, injustice, justice, cruelty, suffering, goals, success, and a million other abstract and yet very real, very important concepts. long before one has to confront these challenges, one thinks about them--i was a wreck when i was pregnant, trying to codify my values into my own tablet of commandments -- ultimately i decided that the original 10 were pretty brilliant. but still hard to explain. ava asked me today who made me. i blurted "God, honey" (for a non-practicing Catholic, this surprised me to no end). and of course, she asked "who's god?" and then i was stuck. I finally answered, god is everything that is good in you and me and everyone. and left it at that. now i have a homework assignment. figure out god.

Today we had a quiet day--Ava, Carter and I ditched the housework and played on the floor until, oh, 2 PM. It was rainy, and depressing, and I did not have the capacity to motivate and go into town. Ultimately I did, and we did a few errands, went to the airport (of course), and then Ava wanted to go to Old McDonald's Farm (McD's) to get a juice box, which is all they give you there as far as she knows. That and coffee. And they only give you these things through a window. But I deflected, and said, "How 'bout Lake Clear Deli?" So, we all had sandwiches for dinner.

Carter is doing a frog walk now, on hands and feet, vs. hands and knees. Pretty cute.

Hopefully tomorrow is sunny. It makes all the difference around here. The towns are pretty yucky on cloudy days.

Ava got profoundly dirty today. Peter hooked up the hose (it pumps water from the lake, so every spring it needs to be connected), and Ava spent so much time playing with it that I would not have been surprised to see Green Pond reduced to a puddle. It was still there, so apparently she spent an equal amount of time playing with the dirt. Water + dirt = mud.

We then went to tumbling, the hhott house again where I spent a lot of money on plants and Ava chased Bert and Ernie, the golden retrievers (and I thought 'Barnum and Bailey' was cute), then to Lake Colby beach where there is a swing set and an ancient merry-go-round. We dipped our feet in, then went home for more mud. The black flies were out though and we had to retreat.

Peter came home at 5, and Ava summed it up nicely when she said "What are you doing here?" Coupled with "Thank you for coming home, Daddy"

Then we all got ready for bed by scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing some more, had our story-time/wrestle for posession of the book with Carter-time, and settled in, only for both kids to refuse to settle down. Out into the living room with an irritated mom, and as I was washing the dishes, Ava came over to me and said "I have a secret..." and when I bent down, she said "I love you." This is what I say to her at nighttime, ever since she was a teeny squirt. I melted.

And then we went into the bedroom where she just crashed--it was unbelievable. Chatter chatter chatter snore.

Tomorrow is Carter's 9 -month check up.

carter waves! he started yesterday. it is that curled fingers wave that they do. and everytime he does it, he stops and looks at his hand in amazement.

we all hiked up panther mountain yesterday--it is amazing how much easier it is when there is another adult in attendance.

the airport is gearing up for the summer season, thus there is a lot of air traffic in and out, and we have been able to see quite a few take-offs and landings, very exciting for ava. we visit the airport nearly every day, as it is on the way to town, and look for planes. if there are planes on the ground the visit is a success, but if they are in the air it is exemplary.

It was a beautiful day today. We spent a lot of it outside, and Carter spent a lot of it asleep. But when he was awake, he was inexplicably whiny. I figure it is his teeth, but it was irritating, only because he was not happy even when held. But once we left the house, he improved. He really enjoyed going to the HHOTT House, which is a gardening center. Ava liked it too, but was rather proprietary about the hoses and the little tags in the pots telling you what the plant was. I just had to leave because she could not resist playing with them.

She was quite pleasant today, and appears to have developed a burgeoning desire to please. This is a fantastic development, even if it is only in little fits and starts. Lots of "sorry, mom" and "are you mad?" and (after being instructed to 'LEAVE YOUR BROTHER ALONE!') "I just want to give him a kiss." Who's going to argue with that??

He is all over the place. He spent a lot of time practicing going in and out the door to the porch, which involves a small step, and he just wants to be vertical. He is into EVERYTHING. It is the most difficult part of this age. It all goes into his mouth.

What a week. I had some work to do, editing/writing stuff, with a crazy deadline. Everything else came to a full stop. Including writing about the kids. And so much has happened in the past week. Carter is at mock speed with the crawling, he has 2 teeth, he holds his hand up in a wave/pointing gesture and says zhhsh zhhsh, like ‘this this’ – he is definitely gesturing at things that he wants. He clearly says mama when sad or needy, and is pulling up and cruising ever so tentatively. He has had his share of bumps, but is remarkably resilient.

Ava is growing up so fast. We went on a walk at the VIC (Visitor Interpretive Center) today and had a ball—she thought everything was neat. It is basically a nature center with a slew of trails, and the one I took goes through several ecosystems – forest, marsh, etc., and she was very interested in the moss and the rocks. And running. Oh, and lily pads. It was nice, because we have scaled back a lot of our other activities, because she has been a bit clingy. We went to the mommy and me tumbling class instead of the teacher and me tumbling class because she was so uninterested in taking part if I was not going to do it too.

She eats like a horse. The other morning she had 3 fried eggs. Unbelievable. She has to be coached, but she can put it away. 2 of them were meant for her father!

She is swimming SO WELL. Almost has the doggy paddle down pat. In fact, she is so excited to swim, she went in at the fish creek beach the other day. All the way in. I took off her shoes and socks, and rolled up her pants so that she could dip her feet in, and she did, and then her knees, and then her hands and knees, and pretty soon she was belly flopping in. I cannot overstate the how cold the water is. It might be 50 degrees. Fortunately it was 80 in the sun, so she was ok. She also is really good on her tricycle. Cute as can be. And we went to a birthday party where the favors were bike bells, so now she is all ring a ding ding.

Oh, and Carter laughs and laughs in the funniest way. Hee hee hee—it is impossible to write it down, but it is an inhaled hee hee hee. So hysterical.