Ava is suddenly having a hard time with my departure when we get to school. I know that as soon as I am gone she is fine (because I stand outside the periphery and peer in secretly while shushing Carter’s attempts to get Ava’s attention), but you would never guess that from the meltdown that occurs. She cries, flings herself at my leg and will not let go. It is VERY hard to peel away from that. Fortunately, all of her teachers are incredibly kind and nurturing. At St. Agnes, the teacher distracted her by asking her to help her with the guinea pig (they went to the school kitchen to get lettuce), and at Northern Lights, one teacher held her for 10 minutes and the other one got her a little robin made of felt to keep her company. I am not sure what is going on, it really could be a million things. I think it is all just catching up with her. She is the sort of child that needs so much attention and so much comforting that perhaps she is feeling that lack. The excitement and fun of school probably got her through the first month, but now it is a bit more routine and perhaps she is recognizing that the teachers cannot be with her all of the time the way Mom is. And this leaves her with the burden of filling that absence. Which means reaching out to the other kids. Which is really not easy at any age. I certainly don’t want to project my own memories onto her, but I do remember preferring the company of my mom and teachers (and later my sister) to that of my friends when I was small (I don’t remember being 3 that well, obviously, but I remember kindergarten). But, I also was, and continue to be, a total social anomaly. However, she has upped the ante on cuddle time with me, and her behavior had been very deliberately attention-getting.

I do try to remember that the motivation behind it all is the desire for my undivided attention, and I have made a conscious effort to provide as much of that as I possibly can, and there have been noticeable changes in her behavior. But I cannot take all of the credit for that—I have to say that Northern Lights (the Waldorf school) has had a profound impact on her behavior. A positive one. Respect for and kindness towards other people is a huge part of the curriculum/philosophy, and it is showing. They accomplish this with very gentle teaching, using songs and rhymes and traditions that Ava is absorbing like a sponge. She sings songs for different things that she does around the house, and not only that, she can fold a blanket expertly. Today she called me in to look at her folded blanket and I nearly fell over. It was outstandingly neat. They also make a big deal of mealtime, and make it a point to have a distinct gathering, set the table, say a blessing, and have a candle. So, today I made a point of doing the same for dinner (very hard with Carter), and I SWEAR she ate like a horse because of it. It made her so happy to sing the blessing with me—we sang it 10 times. And the candle was a huge hit. This is primarily because of the fire fairies inside that fly away when you blow out the candle, but I know she thought it was extra-special because they were there. I used to chafe at what I (as a jaded adult) saw as the hocus-pocus stuff that we did in the parent-child group at the same school, but now that she is old enough to appreciate it, I can see the wonder and joy that she gets out of it and it seems perfect. And it reminds me of how I used to feel about the possibility of magic.

On Friday we came home and made strawberry jam. Not exactly seasonal, but fun. She has a toy knife that she used to cut up the strawberries, and other than driving to Nana’s to raid her cupboard for cornstarch, it was great. We will eat it tomorrow morning. We also have pumpkins to carve. Carter should find it interesting.

He is a total riot. His personality is really starting to emerge. He has always been happy and outgoing and the life of the party, but he is even more so now. He just loves to laugh. He is also very physical, so a lot of the playing he does revolves around doing something silly to get a laugh—hide and seek, running in circles around the table, lifting his own shirt and tickling his own belly, farting (yes, he thinks it is a riot), tackling me/Ava/Dad/whomever, throwing things, riding his bike backwards at mach speed, and last, but not least, sneezing. He gets a huge kick out of sneezing. I laugh too, so that is even better. The other day we were leaving the library, and in the parking lot he stopped and got the pre-sneeze look on his face and then let loose with a doozy. I cracked up and he cracked up, and then that made me crack up more, and then he cracked up more, and so on. It is even funnier when he is about to sneeze and I laugh and make him lose the sneeze. He laughs and laughs and then tries to do it again. I could sit there and hold him and make him laugh all day. He loves it.

And it is so different from Ava. Ava laughs a lot, obviously, but not in the same way as Carter. She has a very serious, quiet side that gives her pause—she thinks everything through. He launches right in. But he holds my hand while doing it—he is solidly into making sure I am there and paying attention. If he needs me, he reaches for my hand, and expects me to come wherever he is going. If my hands are full, he drags me by my pant leg.

And he has a total book fetish. He is obsessed with them, and demands—DEMANDS—that we read them. Which is great, but he will destroy the entire bookcase to find the one book that he wants.

Update: Ava officially got sick last night, so perhaps the “I don’t wanna go to school” behavior was related to feeling sort of yucky. It is the usual—cough and goo everywhere. Though she got very upset after falling asleep, kicking and screaming at the bed in frustration over not feeling well. This is usually reserved for an upset tummy. But that appears to be ok today, so who knows?