i have never had a lot of posessions, and i have always tried to cull my belongings, due to a knowledge of the pleasure of simplicity, as well as to necessity. i have moved a lot in my life. however, there are some things that are easier for me to get rid of than others. easy: clothes. difficult: printed material. i have tackled all of our belongings recently, and dealt with all of it-- clothes, keepsakes, toys, gear, kitchen stuff (a remarkably large percentage of the total stuff), art supplies, gear, bathroom supplies, gear, artworks, and did i say gear? but i have avoided the boxes and boxes of books, and the boxes and boxes of paperwork from all of my schooling. i finally took a deep breath and started with the books. that was satisfying--we have bookshelves now, and with carefuul strategizing, i managed to fit all of them on the shelves -- each shelf has 2 rows. it was an interesting exercise in examining my history. i had to look at the various categories and decide what to keep and what to let go--reference/text books, cookbooks, nonfiction books that i had read, nonfiction books that i had read part of (many of the books from college fit into this category), nonfiction books that i had not yet read, fiction books that i had read, fand iction books that i had not yet read. when looking at the books in the not yet read category, it became very obvious that i should probably stop buying books and get to the ones that are waiting. i managed to get rid of a huge number of books that should not be part of my permanent collection, and in the process shed a bit of some wrong turns in my life. that may sound weird, but when i finally let go of an idea for a career that i might have had in 1994 and the books that went with it, it was a huge relief. kind of like 'wow. that was such a dumb idea, goodbye to that painful past existential crisis!'

of course it felt great. but i still had boxes and boxes of schoolwork. today, i started with that. it is of course interspersed with pages and pages of personal reflection, some of it very illuminating, a lot of it utterly pathetic -- i read a bit of it and cannot believe how preoccupied with certain things i was. and there is a lot of historical record of very very rough times in my life. i am so ambivalent about going through it, but i think i would be a lot better off. this definietly falls under the category of "A GIANT PROJECT" -- today i began by separating elementary/highschool/college--fairfield/college--columbia/post columbia/post-bac premed/post postbac premed. like i said, i had a lot of schooling, and managed to hold onto a great deal of the work involved. i set elementary aside--those original papers have a good bit of sentimental value in and of themselves, if anything because it demonstrates just how completely ridiculous my handwriting was. (of course, it still is). ava will benefit from seeing how much trouble i got in over that. then i had to decide where to start. i dread doing it, but i think i will just start at the beginning. high school.

i am fairly certain this will help me make a lot of sense of myself. Not that i have to do that--doing so seems pretty narcisistic, but it might be applicable in my role as a mom. I hope.

Moreover, it might be fun to see what I remember (Greek? Calculus? Art History? Literary Criticism? Latin?). I can assure you, I can still read greek--lowercase only, but definitely cannot translate it. A history of Modern Germany? Loved the class, could not tell you much about Bismarck anymore. Biology? Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy, to quote Ava.

I would imagine that many many people are laughing (or at least chuckling) at my version of fun...