this would not be an accurate blog if it did not include at least one 'adventures in breastfeeding' story, and today is the day for it. i have suffered from what i assumed was a clogged milk duct for a while--it happens periodically, but with enough frequency that it has become more of a concern than an annoyance. and it is always the same place, same symptoms, and same "gee i feel like crap and this really hurts" type of attitude from me. and as anyone who has had one can attest, they really do hurt. so, i did all of the things that are listed on all of the standard websites for getting it to go away, barring cabbage leaves in my bra-and i would have done that but i don't have any cabbage and wasting 3 hours to go get a head of cabbage seemed silly, but it was all to no avail. nothing helped--the hot compresses, the hot bath, the nursing, nothing. so i kept googling 'clogged milk duct' and any and all synonyms. then i came upon the following suggestion: "sterilize a pin and gently insert it into your nipple to get rid of any dead skin that might be causing the problem..." they went on to assure readers that this did not hurt. oh, sure. sounds like a great plan. but, i honestly would have preffered the pain of a pin in my nipple over this, so off i went to the bathroom. i assembled the alchohol, the pin, etc., took a deep breath and tried to pop my balloon.

there was a white spot that i assumed was the issue (for some reason i keep imagining yourt or sour cream getting trapped), and it really did not hurt to move it aside ever so gently. and then.

it was like old faithful. milk came streaming out of me at full force--i did not have to do anything. i was just standing there. i started to laugh, and this got ava's attention, and she poked her head in, saw what was happening, and started to get hysterical. this got carter's attention, and he came in, and he laughed, but then looked at me and opened his mouth...he could not believe that i was allowing this to go down the drain. but i just could not allow myself to turn and aim it at him. that was too much. so i told him it was sour milk.

eventually, the duct drained and i was no longer in pain. despite the entertainment value, i hope never to have to resort to that again.

carter said "please" yesterday and "sushi" today!!!! it was more like plrlrleeesh and oooshi, but discernable nonetheless. it seems that he is adding words with enthusiasm now. suddenly he wants our praise and support -- before he seemed to loathe it. language is fun now! though i still love det-do, which has been around for a while. though it is now more like detit-do, thereby closer to credit card and thus more believable when i say "that means credit card" to a doubting adult.

but there is one problem. now he won't be quiet. it takes us 40 minutes to drive just about anywhere, and he screams "MAMA?!" "MAMA?!" "MAMA?!" so that i can respond "carter?" the WHOLE TIME.

the trip to burlington went fine--easy. carter snoozed a little bit at the end, and then we went inside, dr gary saw us, all is well (as i expected), 5 minutes later we were scheduling our 6 month follow up and we were out of there. good thing we went for that obviously crucial event.

we went to kidstown to get some car-friendly activities. a little difficult to control the kids in what is essentially a giant toystore, but we managed to emerge with some john deere replicas of large earth-moving vehicles (big digger, grader, dump truck, some jeep-looking thing and a bulldozer), some ridiculous dress-up shoes for ava (purple marabou feathers), and a bunch of car-art activities. then we tried to leave vermont. i knew there was a reason i don't live in vermont. you cannot escape. their major north-south highway takes you deeper into new england, and further away from new york. so, if you want to get back to the dark side, you have to travel along these crazy country roads to either a ferry or the bridge at the southern end of lake champlain. either way, it takes hours to travel 40 miles. FINALLY we crossed into ny, figured out how to get to 87 south, and instantly hit construction....it was like driving in peanut butter. we had been in the car for 2 hours, and we still had 120 miles to go. and then ava had to go potty. "tinkle or poopy, honey?"..."poopy." "oh, ok." reststop. where is the reststop? 5 miles go by. i know the sign said it was soon. where is it? oh, come on, reststop, where are you? no reststop. parking area. no facilities. whatever. we parked, i hauled out the little potty, put it between the open doors of the front and back seats, and sat ava down. wipes...wipes...where are you wipes? ah, toilet paper, good. ok. "all done, honey?" "no. 5 more minutes" "ok, well, it's hot out, can you try to go a little faster?" "ok--i'm all done!" "good job ava, pull your pants up, good, ok, back in your car seat, ok, there you go, all buckled in." and then i looked for the garbage can. garbage can...where are you? garbage can? no garbage can. pack it in, pack it out. IN WHAT??????? oh, look. a plastic bag. that will sort of work. and here is a mcdonald's cup. plastic bag in mcdonalds cup. bury it in the back of the car.

and we were off again. we actually made it in good spirits all the way to saugerties, ny. no crying, no fussing, lots of stories and pretend digging. incredible. the kids were champs. we found our campground and went to the office. the very nice man that managed the campground said "well, i saw that you were a woman traveling with 2 kids, so i figured you would want to be close to everything, so you are right here near the office and our house and the palyground and there is another group with a small child right next door. it was very thoughtful and a perfect spot for us. we parked and i let the kids out and carter ran in circles for the entire half hour that it took me to set up the tent and put all of our things in it (we decided to sleep in the car since there was an indeterminant chance of a thunderstorm). then we hit the playground, which included a huge red real firetruck that the kids could climb on. the playround itself was superb--well maintained and little-kid friendly. they played til dark, then we all collapsed (at ava's request, actually) in the car. it was really a great way to break up the trip--hotels have their advantages, but for small children, this is a great way to keep them occupied and active and happy. and they cannot locate a tv anywhere. as for safety, which so many people seem to be concerned about, i swear this was safer than many of the hotel rooms i have stayed in with them. the campground was filled with retirees and children and believe me, had there been an issue, no one would have slept through it. when we woke up, i made myself some incredibly gross instant coffee and we went straight to the playground. what a nice way to wake up--in my opinion, waking up outside is just about the best thing in the whole world. we finally packed up and cleaned up and drove to pa. not difficult at all, it was an easy 2 hours. it was raining when we got here, but the kids had a good time outside anyway. playing in the rain is fun. no two ways about it. tomorrow is the big party to celebrate da's new office. ava is practically bursting at the seams to wear her 'cinderella dress.'

despite all of the above, we decided to go ahead and get a hotel room here in pa. i think it is for the best, since nana nad da are trying to get ready for an important event, and their minds are definitely elsewhere. and we got a room that is quite nice, with a hot tub just down the hallway and a pool somewhere else in the building that we will visit tomorrow. and yes, despite the above comment, i am fairly certain i am safe here as well. granted, i was not thrilled with the monster truck sporting the confederate flag license plate in the parking lot, but i gathered they were not guests, and were picking up a friend. perhaps they were going to go play with some sheets or something. it's funny. you can gentrify all you want, but those rednecks, they just don't get the hint. i probably should not have looked at them, rolled my eyes, and said "now that's quality," but please. could you think of a more blatant way to advertise your mental void? they may be people that could do damage to someone, sure, but my god, how much more could you isolate yourself from progress than by leaping onto an ancient bandwagon of hatred?

the kids have changed--i cannot put my finger on it, but ava is definitely different--her sense of humor is expanding (i refuse to say it is maturing, given her penchant for potty humor...), her capacity to understand others is growing--it is all so abstract, really. and carter is definitely more of a little boy. they are playing together now, and really playing--laughing ridiculously at their games, which he clearly understands and takes part in. today it was a convoluted game of chase and surprise. i never figured out the rules, but then again, i was unnecsessary. in the car they 'danced' together, waving their arms in the same way, bouncing in the same way -- ava's way, of course, but that is cool with carter.

it is even more fun to have conversations with her. i guess she is understanding abstract concepts now, and can ruminate on them and tell me what she is thinking. and of course, this influences her imagination and the stories she tells. she has come up with about 5 different stories in the last 24 hours, and this time the longest one was not a baby coyote, but rather a baby fox. and now it was a real imaginary fox--it was RIGHT THERE! DON'T SIT ON HER!!! and the story went on and on and on.

but she still does persist in asking me to tell her stories, and this is hard sometimes. either i have to retell one that i made up the day before, and thus have all sorts of pressure to remember the plot, or i have to make one up and thus have all sorts of pressure to come up with a plot. i know she does not care, but i do, and it really bothers me that i decided to incorporate hippos into a story that was taking place in farm-country, simply because i could not think of any other river animal fast enough. and i hate that i lift plot lines and characters out of her books. so, today i had a brainstorm. use my own life. but make my life the adventures of icoceles, the wandering mouse. it went over really well. ava loved the adventures, and i had no problem keeping forward momentum. of course, i adapted it for a mouse, but that was easy enough. i daresay it was brilliant.

going to a store has become very difficult. if she walks through the grocery store, she picks at least one thing from every aisle to beg for--and more often it is 3 or 4 or 5 things. the other day, we were in the plastic bags and reynolds wrap aisle, and i thought, nah, no way she is going to want something here. but then i hear, "mom? can we get these? please? i have always wanted these..."

i turned around and she was holding a box of hefty garbage bags. "PLEEAAASE? i LOVE these bags. i really really want them..."

garbage bags.

obviously, it is the act of getting her something and not the thing itself that matters. which is good--i can save a lot of money that way.

tomorrow we go on an adventure--we drive to burlington (2.5 hrs), see the dentist for carter, then drive to saugerties, ny (2.5 hrs), go camping at a koa, then wake up and finish the drive to PA (2.5 hrs). about 7.5 hours in the car. not so so bad, but not great, either. the kids are pretty psyched about camping. it is not the backcountry, but there is a lot to be said for a campground: playgrounds, playrooms, space to tear around, other kids perhaps...

we'll see. it is a test run.

when we were camping, i took carter into the tent for 10 minutes or so, so he could nurse in a bug-free environment, and i told ava that she needed to be in a spot where i could see her from the tent. which gave her a lot of latitude, and excluded basically only the road leading to the campsite. she puttered around a bit, then without any prompting whatsoever walked over to the fire pit (no fire in it) and got one of the little kid-chairs positioned around it. she then walked with it down a little path that led to the water's edge and put the chair down facing the water, and conveniently, the sunset. then she sat down and watched the water and the sky. silently. for the entire time--at least 10 minutes.

i cannot imagine a bigger incentive to take your kids camping.

when i asked her what she was watching, she started telling me about the ripples on the water and how she was trying to figure out what they might be--fish or bugs or the wind--she was not sure. but she thought they were fish.

yesterday as i was trying to plant the last of the seedlings that we got from the franklin county soil and something or other conservation project, she started telling me a story about some coyotes that she was going to hunt and when she got them she was going to take care of them because they were puppies and their mother was dead because a bad hunter got her but she was a good hunter and now she had six puppies and they were right there do you see them mommy aren't they cute? and they need to be taken care of and fed and watered and (insert 15 minutes of more of the same) and now their mother has been deading (her verb use is still evolving) for six years but now she is alive and she did not turn into dirt, can you believe that and now she can take care of her coyote puppies..

meanwhile, carter busied himself with shoveling dirt into neat piles all over the yard.

i keep trying to not worry about his talking or lack thereof, but every once in a while i get concerned. but then i think about the complexity of his gestures, and i am pretty certain his language development is just fine. problem is, i am fluent in his gestures--i know the difference between medicine and helicopter, though they both involve frantic zooming of his index finger. medicine is held down low, because you smear diaper rash medicine on one's bottom, and helicopter is held up high, because, well, duh. today he was looking at his picture dictionary and he pointed to an iron. i asked him what it was, and he held up a lock of his hair. "that's right!" i said, because to him, an iron is what mom uses to straighten her hair. the fact that he does not know it is usually used on clothes, particularly the ones with the shape that was illustrated in the book, is testament to my particular brand of domesticity. he has all sorts of different ways of communicating, and my personal favorite is when he has a hair in his mouth. he opens his mouth, sticks his tongue out, says "eeehhhhhhhhhhh" and then points to his hair, then his mouth. today in the car i said something and then said "yes" --and got out of the car to get them. just as i was getting out, i SWEAR he said "yes" -- i poked my head back in and said "what did you say?" and ava said "he said yes!" and i asked him again and i could have sworn he blushed and he just shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. could it possibly be performance anxiety?

Carter has always loved books--first they tasted great, and then they we so interestingly constructed, and now he loves to actually look at the contents. At least once a day, he can be found sitting on the bed, flipping through a favorite. If it is Goodnight Moon, he will say "hush" at the lady in the rocking chair, and if it is Snuggle Puppy, he will say "OOOOOOOOOOOO!" when the letters get really big. But it does not have to be a board book. Often the answer to "where's Carter?" is "In the bedroom reading a magazine." He does not discriminate really, and it does not even have to have pictures--I have come in and found him flipping through "Medical Statistics" -- completely absorbed. Recently, his new favorite is the phone book. Perhaps it is the texture of the paper--I don't know. One day he spent a half hour paging though my Russell Banks book of short stories (a Very Depressing book...), slowly turning the pages, one at a time, looking for all the world like he was truly reading it.

We have had a lot of adventures--Ava caught her first fish, she got a new bike, and the kids and I went camping. The fish was ENORMOUS--seventeen inches. She and Da were standing on the stairs leading to the pond at Corey's (Nana and Da's house), having gone down there to distract her from the fact that Carter was taking an extra long time in the swing, and with the first cast she managed to nail a giant fish. The problem is, seventeen inches is now her standard. I am not sure how a little ol' 10 inch trout is going to pass muster.

The bike is purple and has sparkly tassles on the handle bars, and it is a definite elbow cruncher. But she practices, and we are going to go to the local high school track to get some miles in. She is very proud of it.

Camping was outstanding. I had not set up my tent in over 5 years (the horror!), and it was as exciting for me as it was for the kids. We found a gorgeous site literally 1/2 a mile away from our house and were joined by 3 other moms and 5 more kids. Ava and Carter were amazed that they were allowed to live outside for almost 24 hours--not only that, but there was a beach to wade in and out of whenever the mood struck (often), even during dinner. The dirt was unbelievable. We went on a nature hike and found salamanders under logs, and now carter wants me to roll every downed tree he finds, no matter how big it is. Ava could not wait to roast marshmallows, and even though she did not like the taste of them cooked, she was happy to eat them raw by the fire. After finally convincing her that sleeping was worth it, she fell asleep looking at the stars through the skylight of the tent, wrapped up in her sleeping bag and then never moved until 6:30 the next morning. Carter and I did not sleep as well, since we had to share a bag, but no matter, it was still worth it to see the look on his face when he woke up and realized that he was outside already. No need to even ask. It will not be hard to convince them to go again.

ava went in green pond today. and she did not just dip her feet in. she jumped in. not over her head (that is where i drew the line), but deep enough that when she hit the water, she was thoroughly wet. she paused, sucked in her breath and then said "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" and she swam/walked as fast as she could to the steps to get back on the dock. i laughed and said "i TOLD you so!"

carter put his legs in, and got his pants wet, and promptly decided this was the dumbest idea his big sister had ever had. smart kid. the water is probably 50 degrees.

to her credit, she laughed all the way back to the house, teeth chattering, and waited patiently while i stripped both of them before allowing them to traipse water and mud everywhere, and then called everyone she could think of to let them know that she had won. she was the first.

the remarkable part about it is that this is the 3rd year in a row that she has attained that particular distinction.

Ava: Do you want to hear a story, Mom?
Mom: Sure
Ava: So, the other day, I was in China…
Mom: China! Wow. That is pretty far!
Ava: No. The OTHER China. There’s two. This one is much closer.

Ava: Mom, do you remember when you were telling me not to touch your bike, and when you were really mad that I did?
Mom: Yes, I do.
Ava: Well, the reason I did it anyway is because you were not speaking in English, and I could not understand your language.
Mom: Oh. What language was I speaking?
Ava: I don’t know. I could not understand you.

Ava: Do you know the language they speak in NYC?
Mom: No, Ava, what language?
Ava: Jalalallaaaa. And you say hello like ShaMAte.
Mom: SHAmate?
Ava: NO! Sha-MA-te.
Mom: Sha-MA-te?
Ava: yes!

Carter: A-Va! A-Va! A-Va! Mama! Maaaaaaaaaama! Mama. Mama?
Mom: Yes?
Carter: Night-night.

Ava: Do you want to hear a story, Mom?
Mom: Sure
Ava: So, the other day, I was in China…
Mom: China! Wow. That is pretty far!
Ava: No. The OTHER China. There’s two. This one is much closer.

Ava: Mom, do you remember when you were telling me not to touch your bike, and when you were really mad that I did?
Mom: Yes, I do.
Ava: Well, the reason I did it anyway is because you were not speaking in English, and I could not understand your language.
Mom: Oh. What language was I speaking?
Ava: I don’t know. I could not understand you.

Ava: Do you know the language they speak in NYC?
Mom: No, Ava, what language?
Ava: Jalalallaaaa. And you say hello like ShaMAte.
Mom: SHAmate?
Ava: NO! Sha-MA-te.
Mom: Sha-MA-te?
Ava: yes!

Carter: A-Va! A-Va! A-Va! Mama! Maaaaaaaaaama! Mama. Mama?
Mom: Yes?
Carter: Night-night.