we went tothe beach yesterday, and ava continued in her quest to be the youngest person ever to swim the iron man course--she makes us yell one! two! three! GO! and she runs in and swims like mad, just like the racers do at the start. she has pretty much mastered swimming, though i remain neurotic about letting her go over her head, even though it is pretty obvious she could extract herself with no problem.
but yesterday, i asked her if she wanted to jump off the end of the dock (9-15 feet deep). "YES!" she replied. then she paused, and thought and said "but i can't jump off the dock in my lifejacket when the life guards are here..." i said "you don't need your life jacket" -- she looked at me like i was insane. i said "i will jump in..." at which point carter interrupted and said "mommy! are you going to do your special jump??!!" (it is so nice how easily one can be a hero to a little kid--all you have to do is dive off the end of a dock...) and i nodded and continued "and then you can jump to me, and then i wll help you swim in to shore. she did not even hesitate.
i jumped in, she "dove" (really a bellyflop, to which the entire beach went 'owwwwwwwww' in unison) and then she swam to me--i turned her towards shore, and swam next to her, with my hand out, lightly touching her belly, as she got herself to a place where she could stand. i really did nothing but offer moral support. the pride was unbelievable. again! again! again!
carter, meanwhile, offered encouragement from the dock, and ran along it, parallel to us, so very excited for his sister...
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
well, ok, the potty training post:
carter has approached it in such a weird way. ava was straightforward: first she tinkled in the potty, then she pooped in the potty, then she stayed dry at night. carter pooped in the potty first, then stayed dry at night, and finally, finally we are having success with peeing. previously, i would allow him to wear diapers in certain situations--shopping, car, etc. but then when he would be in underwear, he just did not seem to have the will or inclination to go in the potty. sometimes yes, sometimes no. there was no progress--he was stuck at 50%. so, i said one day "no more diapers." -- and then i made myself remember to tell (not ask) him to "water the potty" -- after about a week of that, he is finally getting into the groove.
i sort of remember a similar scenario with ava--where i just had to say, no more.
and he has a favorite potty too, which helps.
now, if i could just retire the little red potty. but it is portable, and the big ones are not. he likes to relocate himself in the shower. with a book.
but i can affirm one thing: using the 'big boy' argument--"big boys do this, don't you want to be a big boy, blah blah blah" is risky. they can say "NO. i not want to be big boy. i want to be little baby!!" then you are in trouble.
carter has approached it in such a weird way. ava was straightforward: first she tinkled in the potty, then she pooped in the potty, then she stayed dry at night. carter pooped in the potty first, then stayed dry at night, and finally, finally we are having success with peeing. previously, i would allow him to wear diapers in certain situations--shopping, car, etc. but then when he would be in underwear, he just did not seem to have the will or inclination to go in the potty. sometimes yes, sometimes no. there was no progress--he was stuck at 50%. so, i said one day "no more diapers." -- and then i made myself remember to tell (not ask) him to "water the potty" -- after about a week of that, he is finally getting into the groove.
i sort of remember a similar scenario with ava--where i just had to say, no more.
and he has a favorite potty too, which helps.
now, if i could just retire the little red potty. but it is portable, and the big ones are not. he likes to relocate himself in the shower. with a book.
but i can affirm one thing: using the 'big boy' argument--"big boys do this, don't you want to be a big boy, blah blah blah" is risky. they can say "NO. i not want to be big boy. i want to be little baby!!" then you are in trouble.
Monday, June 23, 2008
ava found a real, honest-to-goodness four-leaf clover today. i was flabbergasted. i looked at it over and over to make sure that it was not a 3-leaf clover with one ripped leaf, but lo and behold, 4 leaves.
and THEN we saw a perfect rainbow.
i am still waiting for the leprechaun and the pot of gold...
and THEN we saw a perfect rainbow.
i am still waiting for the leprechaun and the pot of gold...
Thursday, June 19, 2008
well, i am having a hard time downloading my pictures to my very tempermental computer (insert colorful language directed at Vista..), and so i cannot illustrate this post as i wanted to. but i will try with a link. a few days ago, we were trying to decide what to do with ava's hair. It absolitely MUST be put up somehow, since it is thick, yet fine, and down to her bottom, and gets terribly terribly tangled if left down for more than 30 seconds. she has been going along steadily with 1 braid now for a while, and we wanted to mix it up. i thought of swiss braids/heidi braids etc, and tried to describe them to her. it was not translating well -- the look on her face pretty much said "what in god's name are you talking about?"--so we googled them. of course, heidi braids pop up with pictures of many other braided styles, including "crown braids." and when pictures of crown braids pop up, inevitably pictures of Yulia Tymoshenko pop up.
Ava took one look at her, and wanted a crown braid.
A half-hour of internet research and self-tutorials, and another half-hour of confusion later, I managed to complete what is known as a dutch crown braid. The dutch part is for the way the hair is brought into the braid--under vs over like a french braid, and the crown is because you do this in a circle around her head, vs straight down the back (100x easier, I presume). It was complicated, but wow. It ended up looking great, and she looked adorable. And it keeps the little strays off her face. It is really formal looking, but she has had one in for 4 days now (not the same one...). She loves it. If I ever get my pictures on my computer, I will post it. It is 100% Ava.
Ava took one look at her, and wanted a crown braid.
A half-hour of internet research and self-tutorials, and another half-hour of confusion later, I managed to complete what is known as a dutch crown braid. The dutch part is for the way the hair is brought into the braid--under vs over like a french braid, and the crown is because you do this in a circle around her head, vs straight down the back (100x easier, I presume). It was complicated, but wow. It ended up looking great, and she looked adorable. And it keeps the little strays off her face. It is really formal looking, but she has had one in for 4 days now (not the same one...). She loves it. If I ever get my pictures on my computer, I will post it. It is 100% Ava.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
today, carter and i were discussing wakeboarding over a bowl of cheerios. specifically, how carter was going to wakeboard just like daddy when was bigger. and then i mentioned that in the meantime, while he was small, he could ski-skim (basically a board with little boots for little feet, lots of surface area, and a rope with handle attached to it so that the child is not holding onto a rope attached to the boat. that rope is attached to the board), and then when he grew up, daddy would teach him how to wakeboard. so, carter agreed, then paused and thought for a moment.
then he looked up, and with an air of triumph, said:
"and when daddy grows down, i will teach him how to ski skim!"
then he looked up, and with an air of triumph, said:
"and when daddy grows down, i will teach him how to ski skim!"
Saturday, June 14, 2008
this afternoon, ava had a birthday party. she went ALL BY HERSELF. so amazing. while she was there, i took carter to the beach--which was nice, because we had some good 1 on 1 time. we got there, set up our little space and i put his basket/bin of sand toys close to the water for him. like nearly every other kid there. now, there were a million kids there, and as usual, there were a lot of sand toys floating around. generally, as is the custom seemingly everywhere, kids happily shared these toys. some kids are without toys, some kids just like the other kid's toys better, whatever. it is not a big deal. and it encourages sharing, socialization, blah blah blah. everyone can figure that out.
except.
except the absolutely neurotic, panicked, and just plain mean lady next to me. her kid had a bunch of toys down by the water, and carter cruised down to the water with his very own alligator shovel, and proceeded to put it in the water off the dock, per his usual custom (he is taking it for a swim...). well, Neurotic Lady screamed "TYLER! Did that little boy just put YOUR shovel in the WATER? IS THAT YOUR BLUE SHOVEL?? TYLER! TYLER DID YOU HEAR ME???" (tyler might have, but pretended he did not...). I almost said something along the lines of "relax lady, it is not TYLER'S!" but she realized pretty quickly. She then went on a rant to the woman with her about how she has lost so many sand toys...presumably to those rugrats running around, threatening HER THINGS. Anyway, Carter thankfully left Tyler alone, but poor Alex did not. Alex was probably the happiest kid out there, running around stark naked (frowned upon by the Mirror Lake Beach Rulemakers, but since it is not officially summer, they were not there to notice), gleefully playing with All the Wonderful Toys! Then, he found Tyler's stash. "TYLER! DO YOU WANT HIM TO DO THAT??? TYLER! HE IS PLAYING WITH YOUR TOYS? DO YOU WANT HIM TO LEAVE THEM ALONE? YOU TELL HIM TO LEAVE THEM ALONE!!!" Tyler halfheartedly asked little Alex to leave his toys alone, but it sort of looked like Tyler might actually want a friend, so he did not put much ooomph into it. Alex managed to ignore Neurotic Lady for a while, and played a bit with Carter, moved some more of Tyler's stuff to the tune of the above chorus, and then made the mistake of bringing Tyler's white truck looking thing into the water. "THAT's IT! LOOK. THIS IS TYLER'S. YOU CAN PLAY WITH THIS BOAT. BUT I DO NOT WANT TO LOSE THIS. YOU MAY NOT PLAY WITH THIS. When you are done with the boat, you bring it up here. RIGHT HERE. DO NOT LOSE IT."
Guess what happened? Little Alex cried. A lot. He ran to his Grandfather, who was the poor man taking care of him, probably completely unaware of standard beach behavior and this woman's awful reach of those expectations, and I could just see him trying to figure out if all people were this way, or all mothers, or what.
Carter noticed that Alex was crying, and in an effort to send a signal that we were not all like that, I suggested that he bring Alex some Cheddar Bunnies because it would make him feel better. Bless his heart, he did it.
I swear, I have never seen anything like it.
I am actually curous if it will have the opposite effect on Tyler. He sure looked like HE wanted to share.
except.
except the absolutely neurotic, panicked, and just plain mean lady next to me. her kid had a bunch of toys down by the water, and carter cruised down to the water with his very own alligator shovel, and proceeded to put it in the water off the dock, per his usual custom (he is taking it for a swim...). well, Neurotic Lady screamed "TYLER! Did that little boy just put YOUR shovel in the WATER? IS THAT YOUR BLUE SHOVEL?? TYLER! TYLER DID YOU HEAR ME???" (tyler might have, but pretended he did not...). I almost said something along the lines of "relax lady, it is not TYLER'S!" but she realized pretty quickly. She then went on a rant to the woman with her about how she has lost so many sand toys...presumably to those rugrats running around, threatening HER THINGS. Anyway, Carter thankfully left Tyler alone, but poor Alex did not. Alex was probably the happiest kid out there, running around stark naked (frowned upon by the Mirror Lake Beach Rulemakers, but since it is not officially summer, they were not there to notice), gleefully playing with All the Wonderful Toys! Then, he found Tyler's stash. "TYLER! DO YOU WANT HIM TO DO THAT??? TYLER! HE IS PLAYING WITH YOUR TOYS? DO YOU WANT HIM TO LEAVE THEM ALONE? YOU TELL HIM TO LEAVE THEM ALONE!!!" Tyler halfheartedly asked little Alex to leave his toys alone, but it sort of looked like Tyler might actually want a friend, so he did not put much ooomph into it. Alex managed to ignore Neurotic Lady for a while, and played a bit with Carter, moved some more of Tyler's stuff to the tune of the above chorus, and then made the mistake of bringing Tyler's white truck looking thing into the water. "THAT's IT! LOOK. THIS IS TYLER'S. YOU CAN PLAY WITH THIS BOAT. BUT I DO NOT WANT TO LOSE THIS. YOU MAY NOT PLAY WITH THIS. When you are done with the boat, you bring it up here. RIGHT HERE. DO NOT LOSE IT."
Guess what happened? Little Alex cried. A lot. He ran to his Grandfather, who was the poor man taking care of him, probably completely unaware of standard beach behavior and this woman's awful reach of those expectations, and I could just see him trying to figure out if all people were this way, or all mothers, or what.
Carter noticed that Alex was crying, and in an effort to send a signal that we were not all like that, I suggested that he bring Alex some Cheddar Bunnies because it would make him feel better. Bless his heart, he did it.
I swear, I have never seen anything like it.
I am actually curous if it will have the opposite effect on Tyler. He sure looked like HE wanted to share.
Friday, June 13, 2008
ava is sick again. coughing. again. 2nd time in 2 weeks. first time coincided with my exams. this time coincides with some deadlines that are causing a lot of stress. my baseline is not sleeping a lot -- in the absence of her cold. now with her cold, i am sleeping very very little. and then, to top it off, when she is not coughing, she is just awake. wide awake. for no reason. well, i am sure there are plenty of reasons. but none that she articulates. and then of course, during the day, she is hmmm....tired! and guess what? so am i! we are not at our best, to put it mildly.
ava is a very interesting person. she was incredibly high needs as a baby (easy needs to meet: hold her and nurse her and never ever let her go, let alone insult her with a bottle, because she WOULD scream for 2 hours straight, refusing to give in to her hunger, because it was not mom...the only real thing that was hard was giving up things that she could not attend, like hot yoga and long bike rides, but otherwise, i happily plunked myself in the glider and read like crazy for a year. of note: there are lots of yoga poses that you can do with a baby in a bjorn.) those needs meant a very rapid and thorough reevaluation of my expectations of parenthood, probably something all parents go through (duh), but this was particularly intense. i know this, because then i had another child. who actually liked to sit in his baby seats, and would be entertained for nearly an hour by the stained-glass lamp. so pretty!
anyway, i kept anticipating the day when my efforts would not be required so intensely.
here is the reality: that is not really happening.
ava is an amazing person, but she still requires a level of effort that most 5-year-olds don't seem to need. not the sort of baby-ing effort that she needed when she was a ... baby... (can you tell it is very late at night?) but rather a sort of constant engagement--my mental engagement. i don't know how to explain it, other than to note that she is so very intense, and so very sensitive, and she does a whole lot better when i am not completely stressed. i know what i am saying is making zero sense. it sounds so idiotic, sort of like, well, yeah, erin. all i can say is she is so smart, but so complicated.
basically, she needs more patience, more time, more guidance, more engagement than the average kid. she does play, but the best outlet for her is a project--a structured activity--and while that could be a sand castle on the beach, she needs something. when i am tired and stressed and cranky, i have no reserves to come up with that sort of thing constantly (not to mention the prep work and clean up that goes into those sorts of projects). but of course, it is more than that. in a nutshell, she needs my mental attention. she needs to know that i am engaged with her. she needs my emotional/intellectual support/engagement/effort to feel secure. i know this, have known it for a while. and since i am not 100%, she is struggling.
so, i am now awake, at 1 am, trying to reconcile the fact that i am not meeting this need, with the fact that i have obligations to others, not just my daughter.
basically, the standard process of parenting does not apply here. it figures. i managed to be a pretty intense kid, no giant surprise that i birthed one.
so now, what to do?
ava is a very interesting person. she was incredibly high needs as a baby (easy needs to meet: hold her and nurse her and never ever let her go, let alone insult her with a bottle, because she WOULD scream for 2 hours straight, refusing to give in to her hunger, because it was not mom...the only real thing that was hard was giving up things that she could not attend, like hot yoga and long bike rides, but otherwise, i happily plunked myself in the glider and read like crazy for a year. of note: there are lots of yoga poses that you can do with a baby in a bjorn.) those needs meant a very rapid and thorough reevaluation of my expectations of parenthood, probably something all parents go through (duh), but this was particularly intense. i know this, because then i had another child. who actually liked to sit in his baby seats, and would be entertained for nearly an hour by the stained-glass lamp. so pretty!
anyway, i kept anticipating the day when my efforts would not be required so intensely.
here is the reality: that is not really happening.
ava is an amazing person, but she still requires a level of effort that most 5-year-olds don't seem to need. not the sort of baby-ing effort that she needed when she was a ... baby... (can you tell it is very late at night?) but rather a sort of constant engagement--my mental engagement. i don't know how to explain it, other than to note that she is so very intense, and so very sensitive, and she does a whole lot better when i am not completely stressed. i know what i am saying is making zero sense. it sounds so idiotic, sort of like, well, yeah, erin. all i can say is she is so smart, but so complicated.
basically, she needs more patience, more time, more guidance, more engagement than the average kid. she does play, but the best outlet for her is a project--a structured activity--and while that could be a sand castle on the beach, she needs something. when i am tired and stressed and cranky, i have no reserves to come up with that sort of thing constantly (not to mention the prep work and clean up that goes into those sorts of projects). but of course, it is more than that. in a nutshell, she needs my mental attention. she needs to know that i am engaged with her. she needs my emotional/intellectual support/engagement/effort to feel secure. i know this, have known it for a while. and since i am not 100%, she is struggling.
so, i am now awake, at 1 am, trying to reconcile the fact that i am not meeting this need, with the fact that i have obligations to others, not just my daughter.
basically, the standard process of parenting does not apply here. it figures. i managed to be a pretty intense kid, no giant surprise that i birthed one.
so now, what to do?
Thursday, June 12, 2008
life continues to be utterly insane. i took my exams and passed them, i assume. work is exponentially increasing, and my ability to find time to write is exponentially decreasing. or rather, my brain power to write is exponentially decreasing.
i have thought more and more about the 'mommy wars' book, and my reaction to it, and i still think it is basically how i feel, and i finally came to the following conclusion: cat fights among women will always exist, and if 2 women are going to have a catfight, they will. motherhood does not create or alter this predisposition. motherhood only clarifies what the catfight will be about.
in the meantime, i finished the book '3 cups of tea' (you may wonder where i get the time--i always, no matter what, read before falling asleep. i cannot sleep any other way. it does not matter if it is 2 am, i cannot settle down without it). anyway, i would love to write a long reflection on that, but i have not had a chance to get my thoughts together. all i can say is that it is incredibly difficult for me to reconcile the fact that in many places in this world, children and their parents are desperate for a school, and would do anything for one, and yet in this country, not only are most kids desperate to get away from school, but in many cases, their parents are equally as desperate to get them away from what is increasingly a very very negative environment-- one that is counterproductive and actually discourages learning and thinking. it is pretty sad.
now i am on to "animal, vegetable, miracle" by barbara kingsolver -- i knew it would make me feel even more guilty about the food i bought, but i was dying to read it--and it is 100% worth it. it is another book that merits a huge reflection, but in the meantime, i can say it is a book that EVERYONE should read. where does your food come from? can you answer the question? and how much oil was used to make it? not frying oil, OIL. as in saudi arabia. i know that most people are aware of the local food movement, but this book explains the issue in such entertaining detail, that even the most devoted farmer's market shopper will learn something, and laugh while learning it.
as for the kids, they are loving summer and the beach. ava has been out on her ski skimmer several times--enough to confirm that she needs trainer skis. carter is still waffling. it scares him. for all his bravado, he is not as willing to throw himself willy-nilly into a new pysical endeavor the way ava is. he is athletic, but carefully athletic. an irony, given their respective pain tolerance.
ava graduated from pk4--very cute ceremony. "bye bye pre-k! were on our way to kindergarten...so long, can't stay..were something something something! in the middle of the presentations, carter yelled "HI AVA!" and she waved from the stage. each kid got an award, (idea kid, book kid, music kid, best buddy, etc...), and ava received the "kind and gentle" award. i nearly exploded with pride. (carter probably was debating that one in his head, but he refrained from objecting....). apparently, this parenting thing sometimes works.
i have thought more and more about the 'mommy wars' book, and my reaction to it, and i still think it is basically how i feel, and i finally came to the following conclusion: cat fights among women will always exist, and if 2 women are going to have a catfight, they will. motherhood does not create or alter this predisposition. motherhood only clarifies what the catfight will be about.
in the meantime, i finished the book '3 cups of tea' (you may wonder where i get the time--i always, no matter what, read before falling asleep. i cannot sleep any other way. it does not matter if it is 2 am, i cannot settle down without it). anyway, i would love to write a long reflection on that, but i have not had a chance to get my thoughts together. all i can say is that it is incredibly difficult for me to reconcile the fact that in many places in this world, children and their parents are desperate for a school, and would do anything for one, and yet in this country, not only are most kids desperate to get away from school, but in many cases, their parents are equally as desperate to get them away from what is increasingly a very very negative environment-- one that is counterproductive and actually discourages learning and thinking. it is pretty sad.
now i am on to "animal, vegetable, miracle" by barbara kingsolver -- i knew it would make me feel even more guilty about the food i bought, but i was dying to read it--and it is 100% worth it. it is another book that merits a huge reflection, but in the meantime, i can say it is a book that EVERYONE should read. where does your food come from? can you answer the question? and how much oil was used to make it? not frying oil, OIL. as in saudi arabia. i know that most people are aware of the local food movement, but this book explains the issue in such entertaining detail, that even the most devoted farmer's market shopper will learn something, and laugh while learning it.
as for the kids, they are loving summer and the beach. ava has been out on her ski skimmer several times--enough to confirm that she needs trainer skis. carter is still waffling. it scares him. for all his bravado, he is not as willing to throw himself willy-nilly into a new pysical endeavor the way ava is. he is athletic, but carefully athletic. an irony, given their respective pain tolerance.
ava graduated from pk4--very cute ceremony. "bye bye pre-k! were on our way to kindergarten...so long, can't stay..were something something something! in the middle of the presentations, carter yelled "HI AVA!" and she waved from the stage. each kid got an award, (idea kid, book kid, music kid, best buddy, etc...), and ava received the "kind and gentle" award. i nearly exploded with pride. (carter probably was debating that one in his head, but he refrained from objecting....). apparently, this parenting thing sometimes works.
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