for a little bit of clarification, i don't think that everyone involved in the "scandal" is inherently 100% greedy or selfish. there are people like that, and unfortunately they come out of the woodwork routinely, but i'm pretty sure the crisis is also perpetuated by naivite and ignorance (often cultivated ignorance). i think that there is a well-established pattern of human behavior in which people who are not master architects of destruction, but rather just trying to get ahead a bit, take advantage of loopholes, not percieving their transgression as a big deal. then others see their opening, and a snowball effect is created. Clearly, the people trading these abstractions probably were just doing as they were trained--I can't imagine that any of them actually sat back and analyzed the fact that they were bartering air, and then considered the morality of that.

My point is that there was no incentive to do so. No rules for someone to prevent it from happening in the first place, and no rules for anyone to have a framework for identifying error. But plenty of incentive to ensure one's own financial security. And then everyone involved becomes complicit.

Though, by this point, it is pretty obvious that some people did not just naively take advantage of a regulation-free environment, but rather twisted and bent the facts to dip dangerously near criminal activity. Which takes a special kind of heart.

ok. i am no economist, nor am i a political scientist, an historian, an accountant, a hedge fund manager, investment banker, a lawyer, or even a journalist.

however, this 'financial crisis' is driving me absolutely insane. not just because of the damage it has done, and will continue to do, but because this is the most idiotic thing that could have happened. i mean, hello? do we have to go through a crisis of corporate greed and wrongdoing every 5-10 years? is anyone ever going to grasp the really not so difficult concept that some people, when given the opportunity, will crush everyone in their path in the name of greed?

i mean, i know this is different. it is not the same as before. well, duh. but greed is greed. taking advantage of unsuspecting or ill-informed people can take many forms, but at its core, it is still poor behavior. sometimes the repurcussions of poor behavior are hurt feelings on the playground, and sometimes it is the collapse of an entire economy (or the destruction of an entire race, if you want to take the fundamental lesson here a bit further).

people do not have to be academics--they do not have to study psychology or history or philosophy or anthropology to get this. really, a passing familiarity with pbs or the history channel or discovery should suffice to familiarize themselves with the basic fundamental fact: some people are mean. some people do not give a shit about other people.

not everyone, of course, and i am not about to get into the philosophical debate about whether this is innate or not--i have no intention of drawing a "lord of the flies" conclusion about human nature here--however, the very obvious fact remains that, given the opportunity for personal gain, some people will not abide by the social norms that define morality. period.

assuming that almost everyone will abide by rational behavior, and that the censure of others will keep the few outliers in line might be a plausible theory of economics/human nature/psychology/politics if it had not been proven to be wrong time and time again.

why is this so hard to grasp, accept, and deal with? why is it so hard to put a system in place that prevents the most egregious of errors? have we not aptly demonstrated, many many many times that without a basic frameword of regulations, we are basically saying "here's a blank check, please don't screw your fellow humans? pretty please? with a cherry on top?"

i just don't get it. i do not understand how a pro-deregulation person can look anyone in the eye and defend his or her position. all the social theories and arguments in the world mean nothing if they don't take human nature and empirical observation into account.

but please, let's go through all this drama, bandage the wounds, and in 5 or 10 years, when they are just healing, lets do it again!

so, it seems to be a pattern: on the days carter does not have school, he is very upset ("do me have school today mom?" "no, honey, it is wednesday. you have school tomorrow." "noooooooo i want to go to school now. i am so mad!"), and on the days he does have school, he is very excited. however, by the time i pick him up at 11 on tuesdays and thursdays, he has so totally exhausted himself that he is near tears and can barely walk. until he has been fortified with a snack, he will not say anything positive about school. but after snack, he is ready to go again.

yesterday we brought snack for the kids, and i think carter was very impressed that miss doe had everyone thank him. he recited the whole blessing that they always say, which is not the same as ava's (something she was reluctant to accept, oddly).

ava is also doing well, also exhausting herself, and still wants to go to the after school program. which is fine by me, but befuddling. per her teacher, ava is very anxious to please and stay in her good graces. this is not a surprise. it has its benefits--ava learns because she readily does all of her 'work,' but its detriments--the fear of misbehaving or underperforming puts a tremendous amount of stress on her. guess who gets to witness the release of that stress??

but, it is not that bad, and certainly not as bad as i thought it would be.

swim classes started yesterday, and despite some early protests, both kids had a blast. as soon as they saw the pool, i could not keep them out of it.

oh, and the other big news is that carter got a new bike--a 2-wheeler (with training wheels, obviously) and he LOVES it. he is so funny on the thing, riding it like he is a pro-mountain-biker, even sitting up and holding the handlebar with one hand while he is talking to you, like some sort of supercool teenager. and on the same day that he got the bike, ava learned how to ride without training wheels. which is a huge accomplishment for her, since her bike is technically a little big for her, and intimodated her for a long time. she is not ready to go around the lake, but she is getting there. i am going to have to drag my bike out soon--i certainly cannot run after them.

i remain sick, functionally so, but congested and coughing pretty much all the time. it is ok, but annoying. other than that, i am fine. huge, but fine.

oh, and i cannot believe i forgot: i felt the baby move last night for the 1st time. neat.

when i picked carter up from school, he was sitting on the circle in the middle of the room, watching wide eyed, looking a little overwhelmed, but certainly not upset. he was clearly waiting for his mother to arrive, and feeling some concern as all the other mothers managed to get into the room before me (the set up creates a bottleneck). when he saw me though, he burst into tears and buried his head in my lap and said "i want to go home." i asked "how was school?" and he said "not very fun at all." i doubted this, since i had previously observed him playing without a care in the world, so i had a feeling it was just exhaustion and finally realizing that he had actually missed mommy. i asked the teacher and she said "he had a GREAT time!"

so we went down the hill, had a picnic in the park, and lo and behold, post-calories, he was a totally different child. we walked around the lake (he rode his bike), and he never stopped talking. i learned that he had some cookies that were brown and round and they were really good and he LOVED them. later we made a point to ask ms. doe, and turns out they were butter cookies--the ones with the hole in the center.

this morning, he was very grumpy and did not want to go to school. we also could not get him to eat anything for breakfast. not good. once i got him out of the house and on his bike he as more enthusiastic and ate some crackers, but once in the classroom, he did not want me to go. then he said "i want my peach." so, we left the room, sat on a bench and ate the peach, then returned to his class. once again, different child. right to the paint station (where they had blue, purple, and green paint out--his colors of choice when painting at home), and i said "can i have a kiss?" and he gave me one, then i said goodbye and he didn't bat an eye.

obviously, he has mixed feelings about school. i had a feeling this would happen, as he had become more clingy over the summer, but i know that he also likes it, and that he will benefit tremendously from some of the social elements--friends, of course, but also following directions from other adults.

this is SO DIFFERENT from ava's experience!

ava has been begging to stay at the after school program, so today we are going to try it. completely her initiative, and totally for fun. you could have knocked me over with a feather.

we'll see if anything changes after she goes today. carter is going to be unhappy, for sure. it is hard enough waiting until 2:30, let alone 4 or 5 or even 5:30!

well, we all woke up somewhat better, so we all headed out to school. turns out the whole school had it, so we were not alone.

of course, this morning, ava got dressed--not a stitch of navy or khaki on her.

carter was VERY excited for his first day, and we all walked up the hill, dropped ava off, waited in the gym for a few minutes while his teacher got ready, and then we went to his classroom. he settled in with no problem, and when i said it was time to leave, he kissed me and went to wash his hands.

i was the one with the tears--i was so worried about him (with no logical reason to be worried), and could barely pull myself away.

i am very curious to find out how it went. i remember this feeling when ava first went to school--not knowing, and never knowing how the day progressed. family members or a sitter will take you through their time minute by minute if you want, but a teacher is not going to take the time to indulge your parental neuroses, and that is very difficult. relinquishing control is hard!

we are all desperately sick. well, recovering from being desperately sick. basically, your garden-variety cold, but a doosy. ava has missed 2 days of school, and i am trying to see if carter can go to his first "real" day of school tomorrow. the rivers of snot might not endear me to the other parents.

despite 4 days off from school, ava has managed to wear every last item in her uniform wardrobe, much to my continued frustration. she suddenly LOVES navy and khaki, and i cannot keep her out of them. now, don't get me wrong, i am TOTALLY a uniform sort of a person, and i think she looks sharp in the outfits, but i will go nuts the morning that she has no clean navy tops because she wore all 4 of them in one day, neglecting of course to put them in the laundry pile.

ava has many strengths, but neatness has so far not emerged as one of them.

carter is cultivating a very keen interest in dinosaurs, thanks in large part to the magic treehouse series that we have on audiotape. he can identify many of them, and loves to talk about them, t-rex in particular. that and any and all manner of machine/magic machines/ magic gear (helmets, gloves, goggles, rescue packs) are a constant part of our day. he pretty much wakes up and begins a monologue that does not end until he falls asleep again, and it usually revolves around some special 'work' that he is doing. he can turn anything into a machine or tool. this usually leaves me speechless, and at a loss for initiating games with him. it is so not my frame of reference, and so i absolutely HAVE to let him take the lead.

with the exception of field guides--those little books serve as a kid magnet every time. have a question? get out the field guide. don't have one? go to the library. i know, i know, i could go to the internet, and believe me, we do, but there is something about the actual books that serves as a springboard to more discussion and more independent play--both of them will sit down with a guide and look things up. the other day we discussed rodents. on the way to school, ava asked me if a squirrel was related to something else (can't remember what), and that prompted me to discuss their grouping as rodents, and then describe rodents, and then ask "can you think of anything else that might be a rodent?" carter suggested rabbits (close, but not a rodent), and elephants. i never got a clear reason out of him for the elephant suggestion. when we got home, we researched rodents. there is a lot to learn about them. not all exactly fasinating, but it filled in the blanks.

what i really have to do is research steam engines--his favorite book is mike mulligan and the steam shovel, and he keeps asking me questions that i cannot answer with authority. educated guess, sure. but definitive confidence? nope. i see the logical path this is going to take, and no, i never would have thought i would be researching engines.

the other day, heasked me who made something, and i said that i wasn't sure. he said "maybe god?" i said, well, sure, god probably had a role. then i asked, "carter, who is god?" and he said "he's a worker. like a coach. a hockey coach."

huh. interesting.

as for me, besides being sick, i am finally out of the 'can't...stay...awake...must...close...eyes..." phase of the pregnancy--that was also the 'must eat everything in sight' phase, which contributed to a hefty weight gain. i am solidly in maternity clothes. fortunately that ravenous phase is also over, and i appear to be eating like a normal person again. my only issue is a very touchy tummy, which turns at the slightest gross-out thing. this makes taking care of pets very difficult, and i really have to brace myself. that and going to the dump is a bit rough. it is very annoying. it is a tremendous advantage to not be a squeamish person, and i have always appreciated that blessing. i hope it comes back.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

this makes nestle look positively saintly:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/14/business/14china.html?ref=todayspaper

hell0? at what point did some exec/manager/whatever say "Hey! i have a GREAT idea! let's boost protein content by putting melamine in this!! i know they figured it out with that pet food fiasco, but no one will ever notice it in INFANT FORMULA...poison schmoison blah blah blah...."

well, today was the first day of school for carter. technically not really school, because it was just visiting day. he did not understand that, so after we had been there 1/2 hour, her said "mommy? when is school going to start?" i explained what the day was meant to be, and then told him to ask his teacher about circle time, and when that would be.

the very fact that he wants circle time is pretty fabulous though, since he spent the last 2 years resisting it when it was ava's class, or whenever there was any structure in any of his activities. at tumbling, he refused to sit and listen, and at soccer, he continues to refuse to do anything that the coach instructs them to do. not to mention his own particular brand of stubborn that he has patented here at home. (stubborn with a nice dose of sweetness and politeness...you barely realize that he has said "no" until he has disappeared). so i was a little worried about the structure of school. but it seems like he is ready to go. and none too soon, either, since ava's departure has completely shaken his entire existence into something unrecognizable. he is slowly adjusting, but it is remarkable how much she anchored his day. even things that he usually loves doing, he morosely declines--like play dough, etc. my only option is to keep him doing things out of the house.

now that he also has school, he is starting to feel a little better. though the problem is that he misses her so much during the day, and then when she comes home, she focuses upon the kitten, and not him, and he then acts out towards her. i tried explaining to her that he is feeling sad that she is gone so much and is not playing with him, and so he is getting mad at her, and she sort of got it. a little. but she does not have a lot of forgiveness in her when he hits her on the head with a book...

i have been packing both of them lunches, in their lunchboxes, and today, we had to take carter's bookbag, notebook, 2 books, and his lunch to school. and at school, he absolutely insisted upon eating it. so this is going to be a challenge--getting him on board with the school snack, vs. his lunch box.

as for ava, she is adjusting. some is good, some is not so good. she seems to come home with lots of good things to say, but every night, as she is tucking in, then the issues emerge. they tend to be of either the "adjusting to having to exist with people she would not otherwise engage with" or the "everyone else is better at xyz than i am..." --as for the former, we have been talking about how to deal with that, since as we all know, such is life, and as for the latter, i have been taking that with a grain of salt. for example, last night she lamented that everyone is older than she is, and that everyone can read. as we talked, this statement of fact was adjusted and whittled down to the reality: one child in her class of 9 can read.

this is not new. everything she does, she is enthusiastic about, but then, lest she invest too much in her effort, she will suddenly get self depricating. for example--soccer: "we played tag, and monkey in the middle and this and that and i learned how to do this and see, watch this..." then, about 15 minutes later, "mom, soccer is no fun. i NEVER get a goal." she will do it with art, music, and everything else. it is so hard. because if i protest and say the obvious, she gets mad, and i certainly am not going to agree with her. so i just listen.

i think i will not have any clue as to how school really is for at least a month, if not more.

kindergarten started today. all day, 8:30 am to 2:30 pm. ava is totally excited. she has her bookbag, her new lunch tote (very cute), and her uniform. when she found out that the uniform was navy and khaki, she was upset, until it all came in the mail. then i could not stop her from wearing it every day.

both kids are worried about not seeing each other all day. that was a nice thing to hear.

we walked up the hill together and ava was very quiet and observant when we arrived in her classroom--carter immediately made himself at home, and she walked around slowly. there are several girls in the class that she knows, and as they settled in, she relaxed.

but...her teacher is pregnant. which is great for her and all that, but this will be the 2nd teacher in 3 years that is going to leave in the middle for a baby. ava is going to think that she is the root cause of all these pregnancies. i hope it is not as upsetting for her this year as it was for pk3.

carter is eating like a horse these days, and very emotionally fragile. which says to me: growth spurt. today, in order to weather ava's absence, we are going to go to the beach. this evening we have soccer--ava should enoy it, but carter is not a huge fan--only because he was unable to secure one of the 2 blue balls floating around the field. he absolutely refused to play with any of the other hundreds of black and white balls. maybe tonight will be different.

as for skating, we are having a heck of a time with coaches and ice time (that is not as much of an issue anymore). i absolutely cannot believe how difficult it is to get a regular schedule of lessons established. the sport has not endeared itself to me...

and of course, to save the best for last, we have a new addition to our family: midnight, the teeny tiny black kitty that arrived yesterday afternoon. he is pretty darn cute, and ava and he have struck up a nice friendship already. the best part? when the sun hits him just right, you can tell that somehow, despite being all black, he has tiger stripes. almost like matte and gloss stripes.

but he did get us all up at 6 am today...