people walking in ski boots can look silly.

pregnant women walking around can look sily.

BUT.

a pregnant woman walking in ski boots is hysterical. it requires the most incredible waddle one has ever seen.

don't worry--all i do is follow ava down the greens and easy blues. our stairs (as demonstrated) are 10x more dangerous. and honestly, 1. i ski better, i think b/c my weight is more forward, and 2. i feel better skiing than i do walking. not sure why. and i am still pretty small. i can zip my jacket.

whew. christmas is in less than a week. did anyone know that? i didn't. talk about flying by the seat of my pants. the last few weeks have been interesting. ava appears to be getting better, fewer headaches, etc. though those rings under her eyes wax and wane, and the random chemical burns that appear to be reactions to every sort of soap out there--other than bar soap and dr bronner's are disconcerting. if she uses liquid soap (the sort in every public bathroom everywhere) and as of today shaving cream (school project, i know no more than that), her hands basically burn--she looks like she is wearing red gloves. the only thing that helps is a petroleum-based product like vaseline, chapstick, aquaphor, etc. she has gone to bed with socks on her hands with pounds of goo covering her skin. it is a combination of the cold air and whatever irritant is in those things. it has happened every winter, but never with this frequency. all i can say is that at least she has a mother with skin so dry it cracks and bleeds from november to march, and i can totally understand and sympathize.

after thanksgiving, we went to stars on ice--pretty fun--tune into nbc on jan 4 or 5 (not totally sure) and you just might catch ava shoveling popcorn into her mouth as some famous skater surprises us by standing directly behind us and introducing our section as the skating club of lake placid section--the local talent etc etc. i have to say, i so hate being on film, and literally the entire arena was turned toward us, spotlight and all. all i could do was turn my head so at least they got my profile and not any more. and i was just praying that he would not put a microphone to my upturned face.

but between that and the US Junior Nationals competition, plus the start of ski season, and everything else that Lake Placid does, i found myself thinking, though we live in the middle of nowhere, and it is very hard to find some resources that are plentiful elsewhere in regular america, and we do have to make some odd adjustments to extreme weather (at least at the bottom end of the thermometer), and there is a weird locals vs elitist outsiders antagonism that pops up in the news (fortunately not as acute in lake placid where the outsiders and their cash are valued highly and catered to relentlessly by the local businesses), it is just simply not like living in any old random small rural town somewhere in the middle of nowhere, precisely because of the resources--mostly sporting--that exist here, thanks to the olympics, obviously, but also due to the mountains and the lakes that draw people here. i made note of this to ava the other day--and interestingly, she got it. i said, in many places that are as isolated as this one is, there is literally nothing to do--but here, we have event after event after event, plus a mountain, plus a gargantual ice-skating facility where you get to be coached by olympians, and so on. even the humble lake placid center for the arts manages to draw national acts, and where else do you get to see people walking down the street with "australia" or "russia" or "germany" on the back of their national team addidas jacket? in winter AND summer?

speaking of her capacity to ponder and grasp abstractions like that, the other day she was falling asleep, and she asked "mommy, what comes after 6th grade?" and i answered, "well, seventh grade" -- and she then said "no, i know. but where do I GO after 6th grade? where is maeve going?" (maeve is a 6th grader at st agnes). st agnes goes to 6th grade, and then that is pretty much it--there are options for high school, but few for the interim middle school years. most kids go to the public school after that. there is one local private school, and of course there are a lot of people who homeschool, but not many from st agnes. so it has been something that i certainly have pondered, but the last thing i expect was for ava to start worrying about this before she had even managed to get through 1/2 of kindergarten. but, that is ava in a nutshell. I. MUST. KNOW. WHAT. IS. GOING. TO. HAPPEN.

so, of course, when her teacher had to leave this week to go on maternity leave 1 week earlier than planned, this has sent ava into orbit. no one in her class is weathering this change well -- i have heard from nearly every mother that there are nightly tears over the loss of mrs mccormick as well as profound fears regarding the new teacher. which are totally understandable. first of all, mrs mccormick has no equal--she is the warmest, most loving teacher i have ever met, and all of the kids fell in love with her, including carter. she did become a mother figure to them, and it is a very tough thing to be the person called upon the fill her shoes. it is an act i would never want to follow. and the new teacher is perfectly nice, etc. but she is about as different from mrs mccormick that you could have gotten, and this is making it even harder on the kids i think. the new principle is wonderful and committed and has the kid's best interests at heart, and he is kind and understanding etc., but i think he might have miscalculated 1. the kid's attachment to mrs mccormick, 2. how they might react to someone with a vastly different personality, and 3. how incredibly scary this is for the average kindergartener. there was very little time for the kids to get used to the new teacher--and that fact alone was upsetting. i think adults often forget how difficult it is for kids to adapt quickly, and now we have the christmas break -- which is a convenient switching point from an educators point of view, but rather difficult from a kid's point of view--it is hard enough to upend your schedule for a week or so and return to the daily grind of school, but next to impossible to when the teacher is completely unfamiliar.

i knew this was coming the day i read the letter to the parents in august, and i have been dreading it. there has not been a winter where ava has not gone through severe separation anxiety, and now this is making it 100x worse, and then, to top it off, i am also going to have a baby, which is surely causing extra anxiety.

but nothing to do about it but move forward. i am sure mrs wenzler (the substitute) is struggling too (which i noted to ava), so hopefully we can all make it work.

ava would give anything for me to say "sure you can stay home" -- but as much as i would like to, she does get to school and finds a comfort zone--she has the kids -- all of them--through 6th grade-- and the other adults that are familiar, and i know she will be ok. the school itself is comforting to her. which is a very lucky thing.

and we certainly have become a presence there. the christmas bazaar was the week after thanksgiving, and this was the first year where i could really pitch in and help. what an exhausting day! the kids loved it, though they very nearly bought the items that i had brought in to donate to the toy table. i am not sure i made a dent in our overall collection, because we did come home with a lot of new "treasures" -- but that's ok. carter loves his swim mask and he wears it to watch tv. i believe it is some sort of super-rescue mask thing. but it is a riot to come into the living room to find him curled up in the chair watching tv through a scuba mask.

santa made an appearance at the bazaar, and carter was terrified of him. he eventually went up to him but did not chat (which i consider a good thing--i am convincd this santa routine is a set-up to screw parents into christmas failure because they did not know what their kid whispered to santa). as for ava, she stood back (this being the 2nd santa she had seen recently) and pulled me down to her so she could whisper: "mommy? this is not really the real santa is it? this one is just playing dress-up, right?" i could not help but smile--i said "you are right. this one is here for the litttle little kids, who don't know that-so don't say anything to carter, ok?" "is the real santa in the north pole?" "yes, of course he is--he is so busy this time of year, he has no time to make appearances!" "but mom--how does he get the playmobil toys and the lego toys? does he make those too?" "well, he has elves that go out and do his shopping for him." (would that it were so!). --leave it to ava to wonder how, if santa makes his own toys, he manages to get ahold of mass-produced name-brand items...the conversation went on like this for a while, where i was finally able to portray santaas more of the saint he once started out as, and thus a bit more on the hocus-pocus alacazam teeny tiny magical elf that is out there celebrating jesus's birthday by giving presents to the spirit of god in each of us side of things, vs. the coca-cola santa replica in front of us.

at least that way, when santa is finally outed, his status as more of a good spirit and less of a huge man will still have a bit of truth to it.

speaking of jesus, carter saw a picture of jesus in the church the other night when ava's school held their christmas concert, and he asked me who it was. i told him it was jesus. he said "NO MOM! it is GOD! you FORGOT!" i did not belabor the point. if he can get it at 3, i am not messing with any further explanations.

and then ava was in the skating club of lake placid skating show, where she finally got a taste of performing in front of an audience, all dressed up with her hair done and a fancy skate dress on, etc. suffice it to say, she liked it. a lot. then she got to be an ice sweeper for the US Junior Nationals -- a skating competition for the best skaters under 14 or so in the country. An ice sweeper gets to go out and pick up all of the stuffed animals and flowers and other random things (rubber chickens..) thrown onto the ice by the fans. she had to wear a dress that was sleeveless and made of some riculously thin material, and she froze to death, but she LOVED it. whenever the announcer remarked on the sweepers ("lets have a big hand for our hard-working sweepers") she beamed. and she took it very seriously. she knew it was her job and that being asked back was contingent upon doing it well. to quote an audience member "did you see that little teeny tiny sweeper charging out there?" -- that was ava--absolutely determined to do it right.

all i can say is that i wish the kids could do their activities (skiing, skating, etc) in the morning, and go to school from 12 to 6. if there ever were an ideal schedule for ava, that is it.

ava is back up to 102.8--3rd day of antibiotics.

i am officially going insane. of course it is thanksgiving, so no one is at the doctor's office.

i take it all back. 10 minutes after i posted that bit about the codeine she woke up coughing and proceeded to cough for the rest of the night.

max daily dose = 1/2 tsp every 24 hours.

in desperation i gave her benadryl again. after a bit though. i figured i should not totally overwhelm her system. it also did not work.

we are very tired today.

but she appears to be clearing the infection, so that is good.

i am not a codeine sort of a girl, but i can tell you that when your 5-year-old has been coughing unmercilessly for more than 24 hours, you very happily fill the prescription for robitussin with codeine--and then when she sleeps without coughing at all, you very happily reevaluate your attitude towards that particular medicine.

we went to the dr today to discuss ava's headaches, but her system had other things in mind--she managed to start coughing all over again last night, and when we got to the dr her heart rate was slightly high, and in the course of the visit it went way up and she spiked a fever. when she listened to her lungs, there were crackles. soooooo....no headache evaluations, rather some quick antibiotic prescribing and a request to return in a week or so, barring any complications.

it is frustrating, but on the other hand, at least she got to see ava when she is sick---usually ava looks like a robust healthy little girl by the time we get to the dr.

i am just so happy she is asleep. quietly asleep. and finally on antibiotics. i totally understand the antibiotic-resistant issue, but after 9 weeks of illness, i think we have put in our due dilligence, and deserve to give good old zithromax a try.

for those of you to whom i owe major communication--like a decent phone call or something, please understand that this has been really distracting and exhausting.

i am having some problems with keys on my computer sticking (or not, to be more precise). hence the many many many typos. sorry.

so, before getting back into the details of the trip, a few things from our first full day home. today, carter was playing in the bathroom, and i could hear him turning on the water in the sink, turning it off, talking to himself, etc. since i had recently taken to hiding the toothbrushes to avoid their recruitment into various cleaning projects (the dog was a recent one), i was not too worried. but, just to be on the safe side, i said "hey carter, what are you doing in there?" to which he replied:

"making a toothpaste castle!"

ah. hmmm. well, huh. that's pretty creative. now can i have the rest of the toothpaste please?

yesterday was spent unpacking and finding/cleaning all of the things that we forgot about before we left -- i thought i had removed all of the perishables, washed everything and so on, but i did find pumpkin seeds in the oven and i realized that despite removing all of the fruit etc, i forgot about the orange juice. but it was a good chance to clean the inside of the fridge, and the house was not that bad. today was the errand day: dump run, groceries, and a full scale leap back into actual cooking. i thought i was sick of cooking, but after 2 solid weeks of junk food i could not wait to make something fresh, whole, un-chemicalized, un-processed, just real. no matter how much fruit we bought on the trip, it still failed to compensate for the grease and sugar and millions of ingredients that we ended up consuming. i found it interesting to recognize how much of our diet is actually simple unprocessed foods, despite resorting to c-a-n-d-y and some other carefully selected treats on a reasonably routine basis. i guess i have always felt that if 90% of their diet is unprocessed, organic-ish, whole foods, i could care less if they get some treats. but you can be darn sure that after the 4th serving of fries in a week, they were not about to get a single skittle. that and i discovered carter has an incredible capacity for popcorn. he ate a ridiculous amount of it, and it was that fake-buttery movie-theatre poporn, and it was killing me to watch him shovel it into his mouth during the dolphin/shamu shows. i forcibly removed it from him at one point, having capitulated one too many times to the logic of "i'd rather he not whine and fuss" and when the meltdown occurred, i saw peter wince and reach for the bucket, but i became Super Assertive Mother and said "absolutely not. no more. we have food in the car." (we were exiting the park at the end of the day). there must have been something in my voice/expression that suggested imminent doom if anyone contradicted me, because that was the end of the discussion.

oh--and here's a somewhat related tangent: have you ever heard any of the discussion about Hidden Valley Ranch's secret recipe? I am not sure where i read this, but apparently it is some carefully guarded secret, they won't reveal the exact spices/herbs and their proportions blah blah blah...turns out, no one bothered to actually read the label. i'll tell you their secret: monosodium glutamate. right there, in the middle of the list. no hiding, no disguising, just plain old flavor enhancer. i guess they figured if they could keep up the mythological allure, they did not have to bother with trying to sneak it in under some other name. i find it astonishing that whatever article i read bought into the whole scam, but what a load of baloney.

anyway. today we went to Nori's (the local natural foods store) and stocked up. i ate black bean soup, falafel, a vegan blueberry muffin (remarkably good), made mashed organic potatoes, roasted a hormone-free chicken, bought tons of fruit, vegetables, dried fruit, freeze dried fruit and vegetables, fruit leather (you CANNOT get real fruit leather in the regular grocery store), and i am fally starting to feel like the toxic crud is being mopped up out of our bodies. maybe i am sounding a bit more vehement than usual, but i was really distraught by the end of the 2 weeks, when i had 2 hungry cranky kids and we could not find anything reasonable to feed them.

except! at the space center, they had fresh fruit. it says something that both kids chose bananas over chips or ice cream. they literally wolfed them down. oh, and we went to one restaurant where the waitress apologized that the lemonade was fresh-squeezed (no free refills as a result). i must have looked ridiculous when i nearly hugged her--i said "are you kidding? that is great! please don't apologize for not giving us pretend lemon flavor and corn syrup! thank you thank you thank you!"

the worst of it was that ava managed to catch a cold right before we left, and here i was desperately trying to get her better, (and then carter and then myself), and i was not able to feel confident that i had any control over what she put in her body.

speaking of ava's health, she has recovered from the cold (standard everyday virus--we all got it), but we are right back to the headaches again. same pattern. we have an appointment on tuesday--it kills me to see her struggle. on our last day at sea world, she refused to get out of the car and needed to lie down in the back because her head hurt so much. the problem is, she is so pain-intolerant that she is nearly impossible to deal with when it is at its worst, and i am at a loss. she obviously cannot keep living on motrin and tylenol. i expect that now that we are returning for the 2nd time in a month with complaints of headaches, some sort of imaging/testing will be done--given that her bloodwork was basically fine last time. one could say it is a sinus headache, but they always occur after the sinus infection is either resolved or nearly so. one would think it would happen concurrently. i don't know. try googling pediatric headache and see how confident you are after doing that. it isn't exactly helpful. is it structural? migraines? allergies? none inspire relief, and it appears that the diagnostic process is far from straightforward. i am just trying to get to tuesday without full-scale panic.

and now, i have written all of that, and none about the space center. darn, i am completely exhausted. tomorrow i guess. in brief, the phenomenal cost of admission became not so jaw dropping when we went on the tour--we were able to see a tremendous amount, and the presentation was actually well-done and as i said before, i emerged with a whole new perspective on the space program. that and the saturn V rocket is really really really huge.

i am so behind--there are many many things i have to write about, and i cannot keep my eyes open (up at 4 to make the 8 am flight out of florida). however, we are home, and had one heck of a whirlwind trip. i have no idea where to start. not only that, but i have not written about halloween, and now it is nearly thanksgiving, and there is that book -- animal, vegetable, miracle -- that i read, oh, months ago, and i still have not written about that, and i think it is an important thing to write about. so, here is at least a start:

when we arrived in florida, peter noticed on a sign that the blue angels just happened to be flying the following day at the kennedy space center, the first time they had flown there in 30 years. apparently, we had arrived just in time for the 2008 air show. so, the next day, off we went. but not before jumping in the pool and hitting the beach. ava declared the beach, and its treasures to be simply the coolest thing she had ever done. she adored the shells. and both kids loved the waves (after overcoming some fear and getting life preservers on). carter just loved the opportunity to run and run and run and run and dig and dig and dig and dig.

after some lunch, we went to the air show. apparently, we had a significant advantage coming from the south, since those coming from orlando had already spent 4 hours in bumper to bumper traffic. we were unaware of tehir plight, but it became very clear as we interacted with the world's grumpiest airshow audience. to add insult to their injury, the line for tickets was an hour long, then the line for security (high) was another hour, then the line for the bus to get to the cuaseway (hence the tickets) was another hour. these were very unhappy people. the center was doing virtually nothing to help people understand what was going on, move things along, etc. and it turned out that the parking lots filled up and people were just stuck in their cars on the road. the employees were either completely clueless about the process or they just could not explain it or they didn't care (probably a bit of all 3). it was not lost on us that customer service was NOT the kennedy space center's priority. which is sort of understandable, in the sense that we were all being carted out to the middle of a huge complex where incredibly sensitive and powerful and expensive stuff is going on--the shuttle was on the pad at that point--and then there is the small matter of the military base, etc. however, NASA is definitely in need of public support, so this seemed to be a bit of a failure on their part to improve their image. with orlando and its crowds so close, i would suggest that they go take some lessons in crowd management from the private sector. mickey would be a good contact.

anyway, we made it out there, the airshow was terrific, as expected, and we also managed to get out of there essentially unscathed. the funniest part was that as soon as the blue angels started, the return busses lined up, and people got in line to leave--there was one woman who barked at her (unhappy) husband "well dear, we really need to get going. i mean who knows how long these busses are going to take!" what in the world is the point of enduring hours of waiting so that you can voluntarily leave as soon as the headliners begin? it was a riot.

our next adventure was disney. much as i remembered, except the characters do not walk around--now they are all cordoned off so that you have to wait in a line to chat with them, and i was astonished to see how small the actual acreage is. the walkways are narrow--clearly build a long time ago, and the crowds were incredible. the kids loved it, but we never got much out of fantasyland. which was fine. the risk they take with people's safety on those rides was also amazing. we saw one show--which blew carter's mind because the evil witch from sleeping beauty suddenly appeared and he has been talking about her for weeks--ever since seeing the movie. since she turns into a dragon, and the prince has a sword and a shield, and there is a huge duel, it is carter's favorite drama right now. she was the most convincing of the group of characters up there singing and dancing, and carter's face was frozen -- jaw dropped, eyes unblinking. i don't think he took a breath the whole time she was up there. you could just see the concern/excitement in his whole being that she actually might turn into a dragon and he might be called upon to fight her. later, ava turned to me and said "mom, i know those characters in the show were not real. i could tell it was not the princesses' real hair (they had cinderella, aurora, and snow white on stage at one point), and i KNOW minnie and mickey are not that big." the rides were a hit--both loved "it's a small world" both hated the haunted house (with good reason), both loved the peter pan ride, pirates of the carribean, the bear show, dumbo, the rockets, and the race cars. ava and i both loved the teacups, carter did not, and peter looked a bit pale. somehow we managed to get out of there without purchasing one souvenir.

my overall impression was generally positive, but the crowds really made it difficult. later in the trip, ava would conclude that she liked sea world better--because she can feed the dolphins there. this is not a huge surprise--she loves rides and all that, but she is so serious and such a sponge that the more information-saturated experience of seaworld was more compelling. but if you ask her how disney was, she has nothing but glowing reviews. carter never really commented one way or another, but i think the whole trip merged into one huge amusement park for him. personally, that is how i ended up feeling at the end too.

the following day we went to sea world, and did the usual stuff--shamu, dolphins, the happy harbor (where the attendant almost barred me from the kiddie teacups b/c i was pregnant) and some other animal interactions.

then the next day (did i mention each of these trips is an hour's drive from the beach? we spent a LOT of time in the car, and i learned that the kids have finally hit the stage where they can be transferred asleep from car to bed without waking, a huge bonus) we went to sea world's new water park, "Aquatica" -- very very very fun. kid-centered, lots of things both of them could do. we pretty much spent 7 hours in the water. it was the only place where i did not hear screaming--as in crying--kids. disney and seaworld are filled with meltdowns. water park? nope. the only meltdowns were when children were being rounded up to leave.

an aside: florida is hardly an environmentalist's dream state.

the day after that we went back to seaworld, and then the next day was the shuttle launch, so we did not budge from our prime spot next to the beach. no one was willing to risk getting stuck in the traffic coming from orlando-- we had seen that up close and personal already.

as noted before, the launch was incredible. i think ava was the most amazed, just unable to understand in advance exactly how huge the fire from the rockets would be. she had assumed someone lit a wick under the shuttle, then ran for dear life, and the magnitude of the explosion had her gaping. carter thought it was very cool, but he was upset that he could not see the windows on the shuttle. i could not adequately explain that the minimum safe distance is 3 miles, and no one gets to see the windows, really.

the next day we talked and researched and learned a lot about the shuttle, and by the end of the day, both kids understood that there are 2 rocket boosters that get recovered, one external fuel tank which does not get recovered, and the shuttle itself, which returns like a plane. the concept of the space station was a bit vague and both clung fiercely to the notion that the shuttle was going to the moon.

the next day we drove even further to see cypress gardens. great water-ski show, but it was the last day before they were closing for rennovations and the crowds were huge and they were understaffed, so that was sort of hard. it was a weird experience--like being transported back a few generations to an old-school amusement park. but again, fun. in an exhausting, amusement park sort of way.

however, the shuttle launch really had us ready to reevaluate our previous assessment of the kennedy space center, and we returned to actually see the center itself. it was so worth it. they had not really improved upon their communications skills when it came to getting tickets -- there were about a hundred different options, and it was impossible to tell what you would get with each option, but in the end it all sorted itself out. we were able to go for 2 days, so on the 1st day we explored the main visitor's center, with the rockets and capsules on display in the rocket garden, an imax movie about the space station, a killer playground (perhaps the best yet), a chance to meet an astronaut -- not interesting for the kids, since he was not in a space-suit -- and a chance to peek inside a space shuttle. but it was the second day that the real magic happened.

i cannot stay awake another moment, but i promise to finish tomorrow. all i can say is that the teachers in my elementary school years definitely failed to take advantage of an incredible story and learning opportunity. if i had known then what i now know as a result of this trip, i would have been blown away and hugely motivated. i cannot believe that in the years leading up to the shuttle launch, we did nothing more than learn about the planets. no one ever told me how dramatic the first moon landing was, or even the events leading to that mission. i ended up walking around mourning the missed opporunity, grumbling that i could not believe "my teachers never told me THAT. or THAT! can you believe they never explained this???" and so on.

one other thing: when you spend 2 weeks at various amusement parks, etc., where you cannot bring outside food in, and you depend upon them for both lunch and dinner, you start to 1. feel like crap from all the junk you have no option but to consume and 2. understand the health crisis that is plaguing this country. when i arrived home this afternoon, i immediately baked and consumed 2 large acorn squash. i almose ate an entire can of beans -- from the can-- anything to excape the greasy sugary goo that we had been eating nonstop. it is a real tragedy that food is such a low priority for so many people. and scary.

anyway, more tomorrow. the tour of the space center, carter's swimming, the massive headcold that we brought to florida, the airport, ava's headaches (sigh) etc.

more on the trip later, but quickly:

we decided to stay a bit longer, and tonight we got to watch the space shuttle launch.

unbelievable.

i mean, really, really unbelievable.

carter has declared himself an astronaut. ava has declared herself a scientist.

i love it.

ava is missing 2 weeks of school, but this is worth practically half the year!

ok, so finally things are over. halloween, the election, etc. i can finally relax. what? i can't? we are going to florida? in 2 days? are you kidding???

yup, i get to go on "vacation"! in 2 days. with no prior warning. in my book, increasing the stress in ordeto relax zeros out the gain! sort of. i am still pretty happy about it, now that i have resigned myself to scrambling for the next 24 hours. and there is a bit of pleasure in being able to say "hey. you do it (insert whatever undesirable task you can think of--taking the dog to the vet for example). this was not my idea."

halloween was fun, exhausting and quite a challenge to simultaneously provide a steady stream of sugar in the form of candy, cookies, halloween party treats, etc and yet also regulate the emotions of 2 small children so that they could actually make it through the day. more later.

as for the election, yes, i am very pleased that obama won. honestly, primarily because sarah scared the poop out of me. voting was a bit of a challenge but accomplished. but i do have to say my mood was not the elated one that many others have had. the uglier aspects of this election really have gotten me down, and while it is obvious that we made history etc etc, we also exposed a festering wound in this country that has been hidden (or at least bandaged) for a while. of course we all knew it was there, but having all of the racism (and misogyny earlier in the campaign) come to the surface in the way that it did put a damper on my celebration. i won't put a damper on other's celebration any further, but that is my take away from this.

on a much different note, ava's skating has literally taken off. since i know so little about the sport, i cannot speak intelligently about it, but she has been progressing through the levels (you have to meet a certain set of milestones for each level, assessed by a certified teacher and then you move up. ) right now ava is in basic 5, about to pass into basic 6. this is meaningless to most people, but i wish i could adequately explain the physical progression she is making. she is just soaking up the instruction and really getting it. it is really rewarding for her, so that is great. she is very very proud of herself. it is like she suddenly understands her body.

and carter as well--he finally decided that it is fun, and he is making progress too. which is great.

i really don't want to say much about the election, primarily because i am so sick of it.

however, i will say this: i am so sick and tired of the tax debate being framed in the context of 'communist/socialist' vs 'non-communist/non-socialist' polarity. when exactly is the country going to get over the red scare? isn't it practically comical to call someone a communist at this point? does the right really think the left is getting ready to buddy up with castro and start us all on a 5-year plan?

fankly, it does a huge disservice to everyone, because it stifles creative thinking and prevents new solutions fom emerging--because all of the ideas have to go through the "is it communist or is it not" litmus test, and thus we are forcing ideas that are not on either side of that particular division into categories that they don't fit into, and then they become casualties in the debate instead of innovations.

when are we going to get a bit more sophisticated and start recognizing that practicaly the whole world recognizes that communism is not viable, and that the questions that are being dealt with are not whether or not there is a red menace, but rather how exactly is the government going to obtain money, and how should it be spent? not to mention the awfully nice living standards in many many "socialist" countries. i think it is so funny that the right uses europe as a scary example of where we might end up. oooooooooooooohhhhhh nooooooo! not sweden! aaaaaahhhh belgium...noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!! OMG! the netherlands! we might end up like amsterdam! our world is collapsing around us!! please, just no art or culture or universal health care that is FREE. and above all, never ever let us actually enjoy local, sustainable food or *gasp* PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION. ew.

sorry. i guess it is getting late.

tootsie roll does not source its ingredients in china. though their PR representative could have been a little more verbose--to quote her answer to my query:

"no, and thank you for asking."

can't fault that, but geez. she needs to see the wrigley's response for a lesson in coporate communications!

ok. food from china. tainted with melamine. candy, pretzels, etc etc. not going to go on a long rant. but--first everyone should be aware that cheap candy is likely to have ingredients from china, even if it is "made in the USA" -- and that those ingredients may/may not be tainted with god knows what.

(gold foil covered coins DEFINITELY have melamine in them--they were recalled in canada, however, not in the USA -- not sure why, other than the amount is considered minimal

anyway, given that halloween is coming, and the relative level of control i will have over what is gien to my children is low, i emailed a bunch of candy companies to ask where their products and ingredients were made/sourced. i have heard from one so far: wrigleys. kudos to them, they source all of their ingredients for their US and canada distributed products in the USA and canada.

who knows where they get things for their international products, but for now, wrigley's is safe. it appears that smarties and dum dums lollipops are safe too.

'the candyman', our local chocolatier, is looking pretty darn wonderful right now...

there are so many things that we have done in the past week or so that i have wanted to write about, things each kids has said, and on and on, but ava's mysterious symptoms have kept me from any of that. plus just keeping up with everyday life. which i am not doing with grace, that is for sure.

so, in order not to forget--but decidedly not very literary--here is one of those lists...

we went to high falls gorge: very cool, local geological attraction--700 feet of waterfalls--lots of fun, perfect after-school activity (outside, refreshing, stealth-science opportunity, no squablles, no begging for tv or sugar), BUT total tourist trap. a must-see for people who visit, or live here, but unfortunately the entrance price makes it prohibitive for repeat visits. i asked if there was a season pass or a local's rate and they looked at me like i was insane, so that's too bad.

then we went to "portland taiko" -- a drumming show at the lake placid center for the arts -- taiko is a japanese drum/type of drumming and these guys were INCREDIBLE. they travel (obviously--portland oregon is not exactly next door) so if they visit, see them. the kids loved it--it was a late night, and the last 45 minutes were sort of a wash, but it was worth it. their favorite was the big huge drum, about 3' in diameter and up on a huge pedestal, and the drummers just beat it mercilessly. very loud.

the next day we went to the corn maze. much easier this year--the corn was all brown and thinning out, so it was easier to find the mailboxes hidden in the maze. then we went to the pumpkin patch (we now have, oh, 10 pumpkins from all of our pumpkin patch visits) via wagon, and finally home. but not before noting the snack bar at the entrance to the corn maze. now the farm that the corn maze is on is very very into the locally grown organic movement. they supply many of the local restaurants, and are just generally into that. but what was the snack bar stocked with? doritos, candy of every variety, slush puppies, chips, cookies, hostess cakes etc etc. it was like a mini-mini-mart. and i could not help but wonder what the owners made of all these corn maze people sitting around in their yard consuming high fructose corn syrup fabricated into 'food' in some factory thousands of miles away. i found it to be pretty interesting.

the rest of the week was taken up with school, skating, swim lessons, and ava's disconcerting exhaustion and headaches. nearly every day of the week she complained of a heaache and crawled into bed before anyone else was close to being ready and fell asleep as the chaos of the household swirled around her (except wednesday, which served to create a false sense of relief, throwing me off the track and ensuring that i did not call the doctor before the end of the week). over the weekend it got progressively worse, to the point where i was ready to take her to the ER in burlington for an MRI. on sunday the headaches abated a bit, but not the fatigue, and today we went to the doctor. of course, today she was healthier than she has been in days, but she still was bnormally tired at the end of the day.

as expected, she had blood drawn. to be fair, the doctor said that she would be comfortable waiting for 2 more weeks to see if this resolved, but i said "but she has been living on tylenol for over 2 weeks now--i am not sure that i want to give that to her for another 2 weeks" and of course, my anxiety was also pretty palpable, so she said "let's just do the blood test."

in thinking it over, i think she recognized that i was struggling with the decision--blood test or no blood test, and bless her soul, she saw that i needed an executive decision made. yes, there is the chance that ava will be better within the next 2 weeks, but i was there because she has been unwell for many many weeks already. i was not sure that another 2 weeks was something that was to anyone's benefit. it sure would have driven me over the edge.

and then, she pulled out the lidocaine. good lord, what a brilliant idea--put a dollop of lidocaine on the kid's arm, let it sit while you run errands/get lunch, then return to the hospital for a virtually pain-free blood draw. i don't know if it has drawbacks or not, but i can say it was a wonderful little trick for us. ava barely registered the event. her only comment was that the sight of the needle scared her a little.

we get results in a few days. the obvious concern is mono, but she does not have all of the symptoms. notably, her spleen is not enlarged.

we'll see.

i am officially going insane. i cannot keep this up. last night, ava woke up at 2. she blew her nose and coughed for 2 hours. i never went back to sleep.

i will get a nap today, but this is just not a sustainable way to do things.

the good news: she woke up rested and feeling better. then she used the neti pot and blew the most amazing accumulation of bacterial debris out of her nose. both of us were so astonished, we just stared at it before one of us said "that's really gross."

please please please, i need a peaceful night tonight.

ok, so i take it all back.

she slept until 4:30 am. then coughed until 6:30. (today was a very difficult day to survive, since i did not go to bed at 6:15 when she did...). she was sort of ok today, did not cough that much, acted a bit tired, a little cranky, but generally fine and managed to do a whole bunch of things, including taking carter to skating lessons.

aside--he did really well. amazing what 6 months of childhood development will do for a kid's core strength and balance.

then she got home, and since she was acting very sick, i took her temperature. it was normal. while we were waiting for dinner, she asked to get in a hot tub. she claimed she was cold. first clue something was not right--this is the child who swims in the lakes when the ice has not yet gone out. moreover, the fact that she asked to get in the tub is really weird too. then she would not eat dinner, and insisted she was still cold. so, assuming she was actually getting a fever, i checked again. normal. then she begged to go to bed. it didn't take much begging for me to tuck her in, with 3 blankets (unheard of), and within minutes she was asleep. another oddity--she usually takes about an hour to settle down. a half hour later, i checked her temperature: 101.5.

ah HA!

but on the other hand, what the heck is the deal? a week of misery to finally get a temperature?

hopefully this will burn whatever these germs are into oblivion.

it is so weird. she is so strong in many ways, and is pretty much a healthy kid (i.e. one ear infection--of course, it was a doozy!), but she has this weird susceptibility to these colds.

there are many things that i have loved about school for ava, but one of the things that i dread is the near constant rotation of cold viruses. it seems that the minute school starts, she gets sick, and stays sick for months, and it seems that spring brings us the same issue...

(are you seeing a pattern?)

so, i have always just grumbled about the problem of confining a bunch of small children and their germs in one room together, slathered vicks on ava's chest, and hoped for a reasonably cough-free night. usually, that does not happen. often, we are up for HOURS (not concurrent) while she hacks up a lung.

a confounding factor in this is that i tend to get fall and spring colds.

but today, after listening to ava cough for 24 hours (no joke--though it has never been that bad)straight, despite dextromethorphan, vicks vapor rub, the neti pot, propping her up on 3 pillows then wedging her into a corner, and countless tissues , i thought...hmmm....allergies?

should i try benadryl? dare i rechallenge with the purple liquid that sent her into 2 hours of hyperactivity a few years ago?

now, it seems like an idiotic thing not to consider allergies for this long, and i sort of agree, but in my defense, she was diagnosed with allergies when she was almost 2, and then the following year she did not have any reaction to anything, and so i figured, hey, her immune system caught up, and we're good. then, when she did get sick the folowing year, it tended to coincide with 1. my colds, 2. some honest to goodness infections (fever, green goo, etc), and 3. there was that nasty incident with benadryl where i thought i would go insane trying to cope with the fact that she had gone insane. (it was after that incident that my mother told me that i myself had had a similar paradoxical reaction to cold medication as a kid...good to know).

anyway, we came home from the corn maze (nothing like really giving her immune system a run for its money), and after we settled in, i dug out the benadryl. she was so desperate for relief, since nothing had worked until this point, i thought she was going to tear the cap off with her teeth.

an hour later, i realized that i had not heard her cough recently. i did not say anything, then another hour passed. when i finally did say something, of course she coughed, but then she begged to go to bed--the benadryl was not revving her up, rather it seemed to be working, and making her remarkably drowsy. she has been asleep for 2 hours now, and has not coughed once.

obviously a daily dose of benadryl is not an option, but perhaps a visit to the doctor after the long weekend is a good idea.

It's a girl!

AVA CAN READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

she did it tonight. genuine, truly, reading. obviously, it is the very start, but she figured it out! we read 4 pages of little bear together.

she is very very very proud of herself.

i knew it would happen this way--she sat down with a field guide to north american gamebirds (of all things), and started trying to figure out some of the easier words while i put carter down. after i convinced her to switch to little bear, she was just on a roll. it is hard to explain the difference between being able to sound out a word slowly as she has been able to do for a while, and actually reading, but there is a difference. there is something that she just gets and the words make sense to her.

10/08/08 --easy to remember.

Today at the grocery store, Carter said (in a reasonably loud, articulate voice): "Hey Mom! Let's talk about chicken poop!"

I had so many competing reactions: "SHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" was one, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA" was another, and "Honey, we don't like to talk about poop in the grocery store" was a third, and "Gosh, I don't know where he learns these things..." was yet another.

You know, Ava has presented me with her share of challenges, but Carter seems to be uniquely suited (unlike his sister) to mortifying me. He is the child in those magazine vignettes who talks loudly about his observations of other people, as if a soundproof vapor shield is around him. And he has no ability to ameliorate his observations. If a woman is tall, he refers to her as "HUGE!" --now, technically, it is a word that could be applied, particularly relative to his height, but how to explain that there are some far preferable choices?

and of course, my capacity to distract shuts down at exactly those moments, so we always seem to be heard, loud and clear.

well, this is just great:

http://www.zrecommends.com/detail/carters-responds-to-zrecs-inquiry/

i just cannot bring myself to comment.

ok, update: he returned to making noodles, and has dropped the spark plug effort. noodles apparently remain more fun, no matter what your gender.

as he was making noodles, he started asking again about god and jesus and mary, and who takes care of them, who loves them, etc etc. in response to a question (the specifics of which i don't remember as most were pretty much the same), i said "well, they are just filled with love..." and then he looked at me and he said "but why are we bad sometimes?" and THEN he asked "mommy, why do people forget god and mary and jesus sometimes?"

i looked at him and said nothing for a long time. i was trying to remember if i had ever used that expression in the past, and i am fairly certain i did not. i do not do a lot of talking about god et al, preferring to answer the questions as they come, so this one just stunned me. i can say with certainty that i did not provide carter with a clear answer. (see previous posts).

though, had i returned to st agnes and run into the very nice, very devout older woman that was there the day carter and i poked our heads in, i am sure she could have provided him with a very clear answer. this, apparently is one of the perks of faith, particularly one in which a governing body has been mulling over the official answers to complicated questions for about 2000-odd years (as opposed to a tired mom who does it on the fly). the morning we peeked in, i told her that he had wanted to see the church, and she went off on a long and very enthusiastic lesson in what this church was (god's house), and you come here to talk to him (so far, so good), and then she explained to carter that god was in that teeny tiny box way up there on the altar (quizzical look from carter), and that when he was old enough, there would be a special day when god would come to him as a little piece of bread and that he would be allowed to eat it and have god inside of him...

this, i can assure you, makes virtually no sense to a 3-year-old. and bless him, he said nothing embarassing, but the look on his face pretty much translated to "you have GOT to be kidding me."

on a more grounded, mundane topic--we had a slow start this morning. ava woke up coughing at 4:30, and never went back to sleep until 6:30, at which point carter woke up. i am pretty much catatonic, but i let ava sleep in and we went to school late.

but she was very anxious to get to school, so that was good.

so far, our school experience has been very interesting. it is amazing how much the other students and teacher act as a motivator. she came home and said "autumn taught me how to color in the lines mom!" i was flabbergasted. if i had DARED to suggest that there was a way in which she could "improve" her coloring, she would have had my head. not that i thought she needed to improve anything, but she has definitely absorbed the aesthetic principles of her peers. personally, i like her iconoclastic artistic efforts. i guess it will have a positive impact on her writing skills too.

that and she is suddenly determined to conquer some of the "academic" skills she has only shown a peripheral interest in until now, and of those things that she has been interested in she just pursues with even more intensity.

she keeps track of all of the kids in her class, what their skills are, who is better at what than she is, who is not well behaved, who earned the teacher's praise and why...as a matter of fact, she does this for a lot of kids that are not in her class too (the whole school gets together for lunch and recess), constantly evaluating her position. i don't think she is competing with the other kids per se, but instead she is trying to figure out if she should be competing with herself. given that she yells at her feet when she makes a mistake ice-skating, this is not surprising.

however, i could do without the songs etc that she learns at recess...they aren't technically "bad" but they are annoying.

an example of how i am in over my head with carter: he is currently playing with play-doh, and for a few minutes, he made noodles--this i can relate to. then out of the blue, he just announced "i made spark plugs mommy!!!"

oh? huh. gee...they look just like spark plugs to me, good job!

ugh. i really don't relish learning about engines. i love learning, and will rally, but of all things to pick, this is not in my top 10, i'll tell you that.

for a little bit of clarification, i don't think that everyone involved in the "scandal" is inherently 100% greedy or selfish. there are people like that, and unfortunately they come out of the woodwork routinely, but i'm pretty sure the crisis is also perpetuated by naivite and ignorance (often cultivated ignorance). i think that there is a well-established pattern of human behavior in which people who are not master architects of destruction, but rather just trying to get ahead a bit, take advantage of loopholes, not percieving their transgression as a big deal. then others see their opening, and a snowball effect is created. Clearly, the people trading these abstractions probably were just doing as they were trained--I can't imagine that any of them actually sat back and analyzed the fact that they were bartering air, and then considered the morality of that.

My point is that there was no incentive to do so. No rules for someone to prevent it from happening in the first place, and no rules for anyone to have a framework for identifying error. But plenty of incentive to ensure one's own financial security. And then everyone involved becomes complicit.

Though, by this point, it is pretty obvious that some people did not just naively take advantage of a regulation-free environment, but rather twisted and bent the facts to dip dangerously near criminal activity. Which takes a special kind of heart.

ok. i am no economist, nor am i a political scientist, an historian, an accountant, a hedge fund manager, investment banker, a lawyer, or even a journalist.

however, this 'financial crisis' is driving me absolutely insane. not just because of the damage it has done, and will continue to do, but because this is the most idiotic thing that could have happened. i mean, hello? do we have to go through a crisis of corporate greed and wrongdoing every 5-10 years? is anyone ever going to grasp the really not so difficult concept that some people, when given the opportunity, will crush everyone in their path in the name of greed?

i mean, i know this is different. it is not the same as before. well, duh. but greed is greed. taking advantage of unsuspecting or ill-informed people can take many forms, but at its core, it is still poor behavior. sometimes the repurcussions of poor behavior are hurt feelings on the playground, and sometimes it is the collapse of an entire economy (or the destruction of an entire race, if you want to take the fundamental lesson here a bit further).

people do not have to be academics--they do not have to study psychology or history or philosophy or anthropology to get this. really, a passing familiarity with pbs or the history channel or discovery should suffice to familiarize themselves with the basic fundamental fact: some people are mean. some people do not give a shit about other people.

not everyone, of course, and i am not about to get into the philosophical debate about whether this is innate or not--i have no intention of drawing a "lord of the flies" conclusion about human nature here--however, the very obvious fact remains that, given the opportunity for personal gain, some people will not abide by the social norms that define morality. period.

assuming that almost everyone will abide by rational behavior, and that the censure of others will keep the few outliers in line might be a plausible theory of economics/human nature/psychology/politics if it had not been proven to be wrong time and time again.

why is this so hard to grasp, accept, and deal with? why is it so hard to put a system in place that prevents the most egregious of errors? have we not aptly demonstrated, many many many times that without a basic frameword of regulations, we are basically saying "here's a blank check, please don't screw your fellow humans? pretty please? with a cherry on top?"

i just don't get it. i do not understand how a pro-deregulation person can look anyone in the eye and defend his or her position. all the social theories and arguments in the world mean nothing if they don't take human nature and empirical observation into account.

but please, let's go through all this drama, bandage the wounds, and in 5 or 10 years, when they are just healing, lets do it again!

so, it seems to be a pattern: on the days carter does not have school, he is very upset ("do me have school today mom?" "no, honey, it is wednesday. you have school tomorrow." "noooooooo i want to go to school now. i am so mad!"), and on the days he does have school, he is very excited. however, by the time i pick him up at 11 on tuesdays and thursdays, he has so totally exhausted himself that he is near tears and can barely walk. until he has been fortified with a snack, he will not say anything positive about school. but after snack, he is ready to go again.

yesterday we brought snack for the kids, and i think carter was very impressed that miss doe had everyone thank him. he recited the whole blessing that they always say, which is not the same as ava's (something she was reluctant to accept, oddly).

ava is also doing well, also exhausting herself, and still wants to go to the after school program. which is fine by me, but befuddling. per her teacher, ava is very anxious to please and stay in her good graces. this is not a surprise. it has its benefits--ava learns because she readily does all of her 'work,' but its detriments--the fear of misbehaving or underperforming puts a tremendous amount of stress on her. guess who gets to witness the release of that stress??

but, it is not that bad, and certainly not as bad as i thought it would be.

swim classes started yesterday, and despite some early protests, both kids had a blast. as soon as they saw the pool, i could not keep them out of it.

oh, and the other big news is that carter got a new bike--a 2-wheeler (with training wheels, obviously) and he LOVES it. he is so funny on the thing, riding it like he is a pro-mountain-biker, even sitting up and holding the handlebar with one hand while he is talking to you, like some sort of supercool teenager. and on the same day that he got the bike, ava learned how to ride without training wheels. which is a huge accomplishment for her, since her bike is technically a little big for her, and intimodated her for a long time. she is not ready to go around the lake, but she is getting there. i am going to have to drag my bike out soon--i certainly cannot run after them.

i remain sick, functionally so, but congested and coughing pretty much all the time. it is ok, but annoying. other than that, i am fine. huge, but fine.

oh, and i cannot believe i forgot: i felt the baby move last night for the 1st time. neat.

when i picked carter up from school, he was sitting on the circle in the middle of the room, watching wide eyed, looking a little overwhelmed, but certainly not upset. he was clearly waiting for his mother to arrive, and feeling some concern as all the other mothers managed to get into the room before me (the set up creates a bottleneck). when he saw me though, he burst into tears and buried his head in my lap and said "i want to go home." i asked "how was school?" and he said "not very fun at all." i doubted this, since i had previously observed him playing without a care in the world, so i had a feeling it was just exhaustion and finally realizing that he had actually missed mommy. i asked the teacher and she said "he had a GREAT time!"

so we went down the hill, had a picnic in the park, and lo and behold, post-calories, he was a totally different child. we walked around the lake (he rode his bike), and he never stopped talking. i learned that he had some cookies that were brown and round and they were really good and he LOVED them. later we made a point to ask ms. doe, and turns out they were butter cookies--the ones with the hole in the center.

this morning, he was very grumpy and did not want to go to school. we also could not get him to eat anything for breakfast. not good. once i got him out of the house and on his bike he as more enthusiastic and ate some crackers, but once in the classroom, he did not want me to go. then he said "i want my peach." so, we left the room, sat on a bench and ate the peach, then returned to his class. once again, different child. right to the paint station (where they had blue, purple, and green paint out--his colors of choice when painting at home), and i said "can i have a kiss?" and he gave me one, then i said goodbye and he didn't bat an eye.

obviously, he has mixed feelings about school. i had a feeling this would happen, as he had become more clingy over the summer, but i know that he also likes it, and that he will benefit tremendously from some of the social elements--friends, of course, but also following directions from other adults.

this is SO DIFFERENT from ava's experience!

ava has been begging to stay at the after school program, so today we are going to try it. completely her initiative, and totally for fun. you could have knocked me over with a feather.

we'll see if anything changes after she goes today. carter is going to be unhappy, for sure. it is hard enough waiting until 2:30, let alone 4 or 5 or even 5:30!

well, we all woke up somewhat better, so we all headed out to school. turns out the whole school had it, so we were not alone.

of course, this morning, ava got dressed--not a stitch of navy or khaki on her.

carter was VERY excited for his first day, and we all walked up the hill, dropped ava off, waited in the gym for a few minutes while his teacher got ready, and then we went to his classroom. he settled in with no problem, and when i said it was time to leave, he kissed me and went to wash his hands.

i was the one with the tears--i was so worried about him (with no logical reason to be worried), and could barely pull myself away.

i am very curious to find out how it went. i remember this feeling when ava first went to school--not knowing, and never knowing how the day progressed. family members or a sitter will take you through their time minute by minute if you want, but a teacher is not going to take the time to indulge your parental neuroses, and that is very difficult. relinquishing control is hard!

we are all desperately sick. well, recovering from being desperately sick. basically, your garden-variety cold, but a doosy. ava has missed 2 days of school, and i am trying to see if carter can go to his first "real" day of school tomorrow. the rivers of snot might not endear me to the other parents.

despite 4 days off from school, ava has managed to wear every last item in her uniform wardrobe, much to my continued frustration. she suddenly LOVES navy and khaki, and i cannot keep her out of them. now, don't get me wrong, i am TOTALLY a uniform sort of a person, and i think she looks sharp in the outfits, but i will go nuts the morning that she has no clean navy tops because she wore all 4 of them in one day, neglecting of course to put them in the laundry pile.

ava has many strengths, but neatness has so far not emerged as one of them.

carter is cultivating a very keen interest in dinosaurs, thanks in large part to the magic treehouse series that we have on audiotape. he can identify many of them, and loves to talk about them, t-rex in particular. that and any and all manner of machine/magic machines/ magic gear (helmets, gloves, goggles, rescue packs) are a constant part of our day. he pretty much wakes up and begins a monologue that does not end until he falls asleep again, and it usually revolves around some special 'work' that he is doing. he can turn anything into a machine or tool. this usually leaves me speechless, and at a loss for initiating games with him. it is so not my frame of reference, and so i absolutely HAVE to let him take the lead.

with the exception of field guides--those little books serve as a kid magnet every time. have a question? get out the field guide. don't have one? go to the library. i know, i know, i could go to the internet, and believe me, we do, but there is something about the actual books that serves as a springboard to more discussion and more independent play--both of them will sit down with a guide and look things up. the other day we discussed rodents. on the way to school, ava asked me if a squirrel was related to something else (can't remember what), and that prompted me to discuss their grouping as rodents, and then describe rodents, and then ask "can you think of anything else that might be a rodent?" carter suggested rabbits (close, but not a rodent), and elephants. i never got a clear reason out of him for the elephant suggestion. when we got home, we researched rodents. there is a lot to learn about them. not all exactly fasinating, but it filled in the blanks.

what i really have to do is research steam engines--his favorite book is mike mulligan and the steam shovel, and he keeps asking me questions that i cannot answer with authority. educated guess, sure. but definitive confidence? nope. i see the logical path this is going to take, and no, i never would have thought i would be researching engines.

the other day, heasked me who made something, and i said that i wasn't sure. he said "maybe god?" i said, well, sure, god probably had a role. then i asked, "carter, who is god?" and he said "he's a worker. like a coach. a hockey coach."

huh. interesting.

as for me, besides being sick, i am finally out of the 'can't...stay...awake...must...close...eyes..." phase of the pregnancy--that was also the 'must eat everything in sight' phase, which contributed to a hefty weight gain. i am solidly in maternity clothes. fortunately that ravenous phase is also over, and i appear to be eating like a normal person again. my only issue is a very touchy tummy, which turns at the slightest gross-out thing. this makes taking care of pets very difficult, and i really have to brace myself. that and going to the dump is a bit rough. it is very annoying. it is a tremendous advantage to not be a squeamish person, and i have always appreciated that blessing. i hope it comes back.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

this makes nestle look positively saintly:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/14/business/14china.html?ref=todayspaper

hell0? at what point did some exec/manager/whatever say "Hey! i have a GREAT idea! let's boost protein content by putting melamine in this!! i know they figured it out with that pet food fiasco, but no one will ever notice it in INFANT FORMULA...poison schmoison blah blah blah...."

well, today was the first day of school for carter. technically not really school, because it was just visiting day. he did not understand that, so after we had been there 1/2 hour, her said "mommy? when is school going to start?" i explained what the day was meant to be, and then told him to ask his teacher about circle time, and when that would be.

the very fact that he wants circle time is pretty fabulous though, since he spent the last 2 years resisting it when it was ava's class, or whenever there was any structure in any of his activities. at tumbling, he refused to sit and listen, and at soccer, he continues to refuse to do anything that the coach instructs them to do. not to mention his own particular brand of stubborn that he has patented here at home. (stubborn with a nice dose of sweetness and politeness...you barely realize that he has said "no" until he has disappeared). so i was a little worried about the structure of school. but it seems like he is ready to go. and none too soon, either, since ava's departure has completely shaken his entire existence into something unrecognizable. he is slowly adjusting, but it is remarkable how much she anchored his day. even things that he usually loves doing, he morosely declines--like play dough, etc. my only option is to keep him doing things out of the house.

now that he also has school, he is starting to feel a little better. though the problem is that he misses her so much during the day, and then when she comes home, she focuses upon the kitten, and not him, and he then acts out towards her. i tried explaining to her that he is feeling sad that she is gone so much and is not playing with him, and so he is getting mad at her, and she sort of got it. a little. but she does not have a lot of forgiveness in her when he hits her on the head with a book...

i have been packing both of them lunches, in their lunchboxes, and today, we had to take carter's bookbag, notebook, 2 books, and his lunch to school. and at school, he absolutely insisted upon eating it. so this is going to be a challenge--getting him on board with the school snack, vs. his lunch box.

as for ava, she is adjusting. some is good, some is not so good. she seems to come home with lots of good things to say, but every night, as she is tucking in, then the issues emerge. they tend to be of either the "adjusting to having to exist with people she would not otherwise engage with" or the "everyone else is better at xyz than i am..." --as for the former, we have been talking about how to deal with that, since as we all know, such is life, and as for the latter, i have been taking that with a grain of salt. for example, last night she lamented that everyone is older than she is, and that everyone can read. as we talked, this statement of fact was adjusted and whittled down to the reality: one child in her class of 9 can read.

this is not new. everything she does, she is enthusiastic about, but then, lest she invest too much in her effort, she will suddenly get self depricating. for example--soccer: "we played tag, and monkey in the middle and this and that and i learned how to do this and see, watch this..." then, about 15 minutes later, "mom, soccer is no fun. i NEVER get a goal." she will do it with art, music, and everything else. it is so hard. because if i protest and say the obvious, she gets mad, and i certainly am not going to agree with her. so i just listen.

i think i will not have any clue as to how school really is for at least a month, if not more.

kindergarten started today. all day, 8:30 am to 2:30 pm. ava is totally excited. she has her bookbag, her new lunch tote (very cute), and her uniform. when she found out that the uniform was navy and khaki, she was upset, until it all came in the mail. then i could not stop her from wearing it every day.

both kids are worried about not seeing each other all day. that was a nice thing to hear.

we walked up the hill together and ava was very quiet and observant when we arrived in her classroom--carter immediately made himself at home, and she walked around slowly. there are several girls in the class that she knows, and as they settled in, she relaxed.

but...her teacher is pregnant. which is great for her and all that, but this will be the 2nd teacher in 3 years that is going to leave in the middle for a baby. ava is going to think that she is the root cause of all these pregnancies. i hope it is not as upsetting for her this year as it was for pk3.

carter is eating like a horse these days, and very emotionally fragile. which says to me: growth spurt. today, in order to weather ava's absence, we are going to go to the beach. this evening we have soccer--ava should enoy it, but carter is not a huge fan--only because he was unable to secure one of the 2 blue balls floating around the field. he absolutely refused to play with any of the other hundreds of black and white balls. maybe tonight will be different.

as for skating, we are having a heck of a time with coaches and ice time (that is not as much of an issue anymore). i absolutely cannot believe how difficult it is to get a regular schedule of lessons established. the sport has not endeared itself to me...

and of course, to save the best for last, we have a new addition to our family: midnight, the teeny tiny black kitty that arrived yesterday afternoon. he is pretty darn cute, and ava and he have struck up a nice friendship already. the best part? when the sun hits him just right, you can tell that somehow, despite being all black, he has tiger stripes. almost like matte and gloss stripes.

but he did get us all up at 6 am today...

first, carter can swim. not very far, but he does it--he just launches himself in the water a la ironman starters and swims about 7 feet underwater, pops up, turns around, and does it again. he is SO PROUD of himself. he has been doing this for a while now. pretty cool.

he suddenly LOVES painting. he liked it before, one could even say loved it, but his enthusiasm wore off after a while, and it was just about the visual-tactile experience. at some point he discovered representation, and now he is so empowered by the ability to draw/paint a picture of SOMETHING. of course, one always has to ask him in a gentle way as to its identity -- i like "tell me about this picture..." -- the other proud moment was when he realized he actually could learn how to write letters. i think he assumed this was something only big people could do. he doesn't like to do it that much, but when he succeeds, he is very vocal about it.

today, ava had 2 friends from soccer over and they all wanted to paint, and carter joined them very enthusiastically, and did a very complicated and very intense rendering of what he ultimately called "windows." for her part, ava managed to churn out about 8 very interesting, balanced abstract compositions that were done with such seriousness i could not disturb her. afterwards, she said "i just SEE the picture in my head first, and then i paint it..."

it's weird. she has always liked art, but never approached it like other kids. some kids seem to have a natural talent for drawing and representation, which she does not have -- basically, in that regard, she is pretty much like any other 5 year old. but she has this intense need for everything to be composed just so.

as for the above mentioned playdate, holy cow. what an intense couple of hours. first, the 2 girls were older than ava--1 and 2 years--and second, carter was personna non grata among them. i could see that ava was struggling with this--go with the girls and exclude him, or go with her gut and include him--and so i stepped in and removed him by offering to let him wash the dishes. additionally, i learned a very valuable lesson: do not offer choices when you have more than 2 children to feed. choices are a good thing, generally, but not with a crowd. in that situation, you become a restaurant.

soccer camp is officially over, and we weathered it better this time. which bodes well for school. while ava was at soccer, carter and i explored the woods and fields behind the fields, and stumbled upon the biggest berry patch i have ever seen. we managed to fill a container in a half hour--or rather I managed to do so. when in the woods, carter is full of adventurous narration, telling me about the wild animals (wild chipmunks!) that he is going to take care of, and sea serpents ("wait...i have a field jounal here in my rescue pack, let me see what it says...") and otherr various foes. he has pop guns and fire guns and bows and arrows, a space helmet, shoulder pads, gloves, elbow pads, special jackets, and boots. of course, i need to don these items too, so we look like a troup of insane mimes hiking through the forest. it is so different from being with ava. she was far more interested in the flora and fauna, and her literal surroundings. with him, it is one big imaginative adventure.

fortunately, both of them have given up on insisting that they are diego and alicia--the phase seems to have passed. thank god.

carter has of course managed to fall in live with another few girls too. the vehemence with which he surrenders all of his emotions to these girls is almost frightening.

i take some of that back. carter was in the living room, and when i went in to check on him, he was sitting in front of the olympics, and very seriously turned to me and said "mom. michael phelps is a REALLY good swimmer."

"yup, he sure is!"

"yeah. you should see this."

and then he proceeded to tell me who won the last 2 races. huh. funny what happens when ava is at soccer camp!

Carter’s birthday was today. 3 years. He had a good day, spent the early part of it with Dad, a really big deal, and then we had a little celebration here at home. Both kids had been begging me for lobster all summer, so, knowing full well how much lobster they would eat, I said “for Carter’s birthday…” Of course, we had no trouble rounding up some willing adults to help us finish the lobster, and I was sure to make pasta for the kids. Really, they thought simply having a live lobster in the house – one that could be put on the kitchen floor—was the best part. Carter had requested a pirate party (which ultimately morphed into a pirate/fire truck party) and so Nana supplied us with pirate paraphernalia, and all of the presents went over very well, though the playmobile fire truck definitely eclipsed everything in the immediate moment. He has been eyeing it for weeks, and yesterday I managed to get it without notice. Gradually he started to notice everything else, particularly the fire truck pop-up vehicle that Nana got him—both kids can fit inside, so Ava was thrilled. Ava busied herself with everything else, and then I brought out the second round. The Bruder tractor from grandma was great—he thought it was a “grader with a bucket” when it was in the box, but then he realized that it was a tractor. I just love Bruder and Playmobile.

One of the biggest hits was the whoopee cushion I got him. Talk about easy humor. Ava stayed true to form and got him 3 gifts, all of her own choosing. She may forget how to manage her frustrations with him occasionally, but her heart is in the right place. She never forgets a gift, and will use any reason to give him one. She was more excited to give him a present than she was to get the few things that I got her.

Soccer camp starts tomorrow. I think this is good. She is excited, and given all of the rain we have had, the solid outdoor time will be good for her. Last week, we climbed Mount Cobble, and the trail was muddy all the way to the top, simply unheard of in August. It was astonishing. Of course, that has meant extra mosquitoes, and the hike was no exception. Both kids managed very well though—there was a significant scramble across a big stretch of rock that was pretty exposed that both kids handled like little mountain goats. We managed to escape the hike without carting home 20 rocks and 14 sticks by some clever suggestions to Carter to throw his treasures in the pond at the bottom. We have more piles of rocks, pinecones, acorns, and sticks than I ever thought possible.

Speaking of nature, monarch season is upon us, and we have so far ushered one caterpillar to adulthood, and we have another chrysalis brewing, and one very large caterpillar ready to transform himself. But we have had a hard time finding them. All of the milkweed patches have been without caterpillars, and I am wondering if this is a result of the weather.

And of course, the Olympics have begun. I have suspended the TV rules, and it is pretty much on a lot. Ava watched the opening ceremonies, and if you saw it, you know that there was a giant scroll on the floor of the stadium at one point, to celebrate the Chinese invention of paper—Ava LOVED the whole concept of a scroll, and the next morning she hid herself in the hallway to make her own, emerging with a long scroll with a picture taped to the center. It was great. She also made me haul out the world map we have, and find all of the countries as they were announced in the parade of athletes. It kept me on my toes, for sure. Carter has not been as interested in the Olympics, but Ava is watching the sports like a hawk. She keeps calling “MOM! You HAVE to see this!!” She gets it. Perhaps not the actual scale, but pretty close.

And the other thing to mention is how she can hear a word spelled and know what it is. Nearly every time. This is so interesting to me, because I am fairly certain that she can read, but she doesn’t know it. When she doesn’t think about it, she does it automatically. Which I assume is how it should be. But it will be nice when she consciously figures out that this huge world is available to her.

As for Carter, we were reading Angelina’s Christmas, and he was looking at the title, and he said “Mom, what’s that whistle thing?” – He was referring to the apostrophe. Just when you think he is not paying attention, he comes up with a question like that. He is so normal, so laid back, so easy going, but I think that is a cover for a pretty intense little mind. (And I don't think I ever thought of an apostrophe as a whistle...)

We have a new routine at bedtime, where we each say something nice to each other, and say “I love you, and goodnight, and then give a hug and a kiss. It is so funny—if I forget, both kids immediately tell me that we forgot. Of course, sometimes they have a hard time coming up with something nice that is original, and if Ava is feeling a little irritated with me, she might come up with something that is basically meaningless (like “I love the way you drink water, mom..”), but that is fine—it is the idea of the routine that I am concerned with, and frankly it is their relationship that is important.

My favorite part is when Carter blows he both a kiss AND a hug. How do you blow a hug? Circle your arms in front of you, then open them gently, allowing the hug to float over to the recipient. What a guy.

I’m pregnant. Almost 11 weeks. Feeling pretty much like doody, but happy. I have been falling asleep at 7:30 with the kids every night, and thus not writing. Each day, I make it through with barely enough energy to fold the laundry and then collapse and promise to write the next day.
Reactions from others have been pretty much positive, with some notable exceptions. The kids are excited though—I would not have told them this early, but Ava overheard me make a doctor’s appointment, and I naively said “I’m 6 weeks pregnant.” Duh. She came flying at me, screaming “you’re having a baby!!!”

Carter is dying for it to be winter so that he can finally see the baby. Occasionally, he yells “hi baby!” at my belly. Ava just talks incessantly about how she is going to play with the baby, take care of the baby, etc. They both talk about what they are going to teach the baby. Ava is going to teach him or her ballet and skating, and Carter is going to teach him or her how to wakeboard.

So, needless to say, getting through Ava’s birthday had an added challenge. Adding to the physical exhaustion, for the 2nd year in a row, I woke up at 3 AM, thinking about everything I had to do. The party went off well, albeit totally not as I had planned. I had almost postponed it because so many kids were out of town, but it ended up being just the right amount of children, once siblings were accounted for. The fairy decorations were GREAT, I have to say. I bought tulle and garlands of silk flowers and made a little fairy-land by draping them around the house – from the ceiling, various lighting fixtures, etc. It was hard for those of us over 5 feet in height, but very effective. I had all sorts of costumes for the kids, and Ava is so into dressing up, I forgot that others might not be. It was so weird—Ava very enthusiastically would invite the kids to put on wings and a tutu, and they would say no, and she would just look at them dumbfounded. Not upset, just unable to grasp why anyone would not want to be a beautiful dancing fairy. But kids are great, and they all figured out how to have a great time. Presents, candy, cake and favors are pretty much a good bet. We still have to do thank you notes.

After the party, I had a Very Stressful Week, which was ok, but just brought up all sorts of crap that I can’t stand dealing with, so we ended the Very Stressful Week with a visit to my yoga friend in Burlington. She has a 6-year-old child, and is pretty much a saint, and the kids had a blast, which was the point. She is so different, and so free, and so open, and is just a model for humanity. And you know, it is not hard. Be nice. Simple. Why is it so hard for some people to do that?

The first night we slept in a tent in the backyard (their house is very small), and it was fun to wake up and drink my (decaf) coffee while Ava jumped on the trampoline at 6 AM. So weird how hard it is to get outside early in the morning, but how great it is when you wake up there. The second night, it was pouring, so we crashed inside. On the third day, I took all of the kids to Shelburne Farms, where Kathy’s son managed to catch about 20 of the 50 or so chickens. I was amazed. He and Ava founf 2 eggs too. That was very cool. The rooster freaked me out—he had those horns/spikes, but no one seemed too worried about him, and the pig had just had babies—I cannot tell you how cute these piglets were.

We came home, remembered that there were auditions for Robin Hood the following morning, woke up, went to the theater and then had a terrible experience. The flyer had said “5-16 years” – but the man in charge got up and said “if you are 5 years old AND have completed kindergarten…” HELLO? This is NOT what the promotional material said, and moreover, how many 5-year-olds are going into 1st grade these days? It was an example of terrible communication between the theater company and the arts center, and neither party was willing to accept responsibility. I know, because I fired off a few emails that were somewhat sharply worded. It did not resolve anything, but it made Ava feel better to hear that mama stuck up for her.

And since then, all I have been doing is cleaning.

That is the last 2 weeks in a nutshell. Oh, and I finished The Post-Birthday World. More on that later. Right now, it is WAY past my bedtime.

i went to a yoga thing over the last few days--it was supposed to be a 7-day conference/workshop,but du to many many things going on, many many of which are about as far from yoga as one could get (good training...), i only went to 4 of the 7 days. given how i have been feeling, this was just about right. thank you nana for all of your help, i know it was exhausting.

it was a terrific experience, as usual, and i learned a whole bunch, most notably, how to assist people in different postures. the most significant one for me was learning how to 'assist' or 'do' savasana for people. for those who don't know, savasana is 'corpse pose' in which you are lying flat on your back, in a state of relaxation. there's more, but that's the basic idea--it is done at the end of a practice in order to relax and absorb the effects of the pactice. anyway, if you have someone to assist you, relaxing is a lot easier, because it basically becomes a massage--not whole body, but feet, hands, neck, head, as well as pulling on the legs to lengthen out of the hips, adjusting shoulder blades, etc etc.

as we were learning this, it was very interesting and i enjoyed it, but it did not hit me until i arrived home and was puting ava to bed that this would be a very useful thing for her at night. so, i did it. not only did she fall asleep instantly (she did take the time to say "that feels really good" when i was pulling on her legs), but she did not squirm, fidget, start snapping -- which is her ants in the pants thing lately -- or even say a word other than the above commentary and a little giggle when i tried to pull on her toes. my gratitude to the universe was huge. i could not believe how she responded.

the other day, carter complained that his nose was bleeding. we have had this issue in the past a few times, and so i was ready to see the evidence--but there was none. so i said, "honey, your nose is not bleeding..."

"yes it is! it huurrrrrrrrts!" he wailed.

"ok, well, let's get a tissue...ok, here...blow...............what is that??? carter, look! you had a carrot in your nose!"

it was a chewed up (large) piece of carrot that he must have inhaled into his nasal cavity at some point.

i cannot explain the hilarity that ensued. both ava and carter thought that the fact that you could put something in your mouth and have it come out your nose was just the funniest thing ever.

we have had a lot of beach time this week. ava inserted herself into a group of 10-year-old boys who were digging a very deep (up to her shoulders) hole, and bless their souls, they welcomed her graciously. she was THRILLED to be allowed to help. and then they were being silly in a way that only 10-year-olds can be, and she was laughing and laughing and laughing her head off. not sure how much i will appreciate this trend when she is 15, but now it was pretty cute to watch her join in.

i helped carter with another set of holes and castles, and i now have blisters on my fingertips from all the sand digging that i have done. apparently this causes a bit of commotion, as 2 mothers have approached me in the store to comment on my involvement in the sand construction--and both have said "i am so over all that..." which, i suppose is something you might feel after 10 years of castle-building, but right now, it is fun to see their ideas get going with just a little prompting. the way i look at it is that i am not coming home sand-free, no matter what i do, so why not build a castle? really, it's fun.

however, i have to say that as much as i admire them, i am getting a bit tired of the ironmen and women. the ironman is this weekend, and they are everywhere (as they should be). problem is, they seem to forget that we are here too. one woman basically jumped on ava today as she was demonstrating a swim start for her buddies--and had i not been completely flabbergasted as well as totally unable to catch her, i would have said something. unfortunately i will never be able to identify her without goggles and a swim cap. another swerved right in front of my car tonight--now i LOVE road biking, and i am super duper conscious of bikers, but there is not a lot i can do if you suddenly veer off the shoulder into the middle of my lane when i am oh, 40 feet away from you and traveling 20 more mph than you are. it was really bizarre, but no one was hurt and she eventually (after a minute or so of creating a huge line of crawling traffic) moved back over.

finally, tonight ava and carter got in a huge squabble over some toy. i came in to intervene and when i calmly tried to talk about it, ava pulled out some of her most impressive impersonations of a teenager that she could find. it got to a point that was unacceptable as far as i was concerned, so i walked away. she needed something, and when she could not get it, she became more and more frantic, and making worse and worse choices regarding the words she used. i stayed calm (very difficult), and just repeated that this was not ok. finally she stormed off. a few minutes later, she reappeared and asked me what the words to "that mary prayer" were. previously, i had suggested to ava that since nothing i say to comfort her works to calm her down, she should try talking to mary and asking her for help--and i taught her the hail mary. i have no idea why (well, besides the obvious saintliness/mother of god/all around holy lady bit), but mary is ava's heroine. so, i repeated the prayer for her, and then she sat quietly--i went into the other room, and about 3 minutes later, she came in and said "mommy, i'm sorry..." and crawled in my lap and talked it all over with me. you could not have had a more abrupt change in attitude.

i asked her if mary helped, and she said "yes, but the first time i did not pray long enough, and nothing happened. but the second time it worked..."

all i can say is thank you, yet again, mary.

i know it is summer, soccer camp is over, we took a week off, blah blah blah. i don't know why, but we are still so crazy busy. i guess, no matter what is going on, there will always be a thousand things to do. right now we are trying to empty the storage area, which has had all of our "nonessentials" for over a year while we planned and postponed our move. unfortunately, the first round of bins were put in a back room and ignored for a few weeks. but, i just can't deal with knowing that there is a mess behind a door. i wish i could, but things like junk drawers and junk closets--or in this case, junk rooms--just drive me insane. (thanks mom). yesterday, since it was raining, i pulled out a pile of dress-up cloths, blankets of varying sizes--from a king feather bed to a doll blanket, and yet another bin of stuffed animals and piled all of it in my "office" (also a depository for all of the bags and paraphenalia that we use on a regular basis), and the kids just went to town. i added music and 4 hours later the kids were still going strong.

amazing what they can come up with. granted, most of their toys migrated into the room with them, so by that point, i had a clean "storage" room, but 4 (playroom, 2 bedrooms, my office) very very very cluttered and chaotic rooms. that is when i go looking for the broom and sweep it all into one large pile in one large room.

the project continues today. i dread going to the storage area and hauling another 5 huge bins, but i really would like to get this accomplished before ava's party. which is approaching fast. she is having a fairy party. we have all sorts of decorations, etc., but the one thing we really really need is mosquito netting, and you would think that this would not be hard to find in the adirondack park where i think there are 5000 varieties of biting insects. but it is. impossible. we are going to have to drive to plattsburgh (ugh) to go to the craft store to find something equivalent. and i also have to decide if i want to make the guests fairy wings (hangers and white stockings apparently accomplish this) or if i want to just go buy them. i promised that costumes would be provided. that was when i was feeling very motivated. and carter has said that he wants a blue party, a jumpy party, and a pirate party. i am lobbying for a repeat of the blue party. that was easy.

here's an interesting finding: if you put your kids who don't nap down for a nap (presuming of course that your eldest just went through a grueling week of soccer camp and is exhausted enough to sleep), promising fireworks if they go to sleep for an hour or so, and they follow through and sleep for an hour (ava) and 2 hours (carter), they will STILL want to go to bed at their regular bedtime, and will be sleepy and cranky until they get to go to bed.

but, in the morning, they will remember the fireworks (the loud scary fireworks) as something magical.

the parade was cute, the sinfonietta on the lawn was fun, the late night guide boat ride to the playground was exciting (playground not so much--there must have been hundreds of kids on the playscape--recipe for disaster), and then the fireworks, which were well done.

ava is trying to rescue a stranded baby raccoon (adolescent, really), who has been stuck in a tree for 4 days now. presumably it got scared and ran up there. she has organized a phone campaign, rallying relatives far and wide. on her behalf (and the raccoon's) i called the police, who were well aware of it, and i was told that the DEC (dept of environmental conservation) had been notified and would take care of it on monday. while the poor thing dies of dehydration -- or rabies, even more horriffic. you would think that there is one officer on duty with access to a tranquilizer gun who could make the effort to come get a suffering animal out of a tree. obviously, no one wants to handle it, but it really needs to be taken care of. it has proven to be very distressing to ava, but at least she has been pacified just by knowing that someone eventually is going to help it.

at least she did not think of calling the police herself. which she would have done, had it crossed her mind. at the park, she was ready to grab a passing crowd control officer and MAKE him get that raccoon down. which i almost let her do, but refrained as it was he 4th of july and he was a little bit busy.

so, ava has had soccer camp all week--a week-long, half day of soccer. she has had a great time, loved what she learned, loved getting new gear (in fact, the cleats and shin guards are what sold her on it), loved eating in the cafeteria, and generally has done very very well. all of her friends are there, and she is very proud of herself.

but, oh my god, she is tired, and all i can say is thank god there are only 2 more days left. (that, and i am very tired of scrambling to make sure that i do the dark load at night to make sure that her one and only official t-shirt is clean and ready the next morning...)

my only question/concern: we have to do this all YEAR for kindergarten?

the first day, they gave us a black and white ball, which ava LOVED. black and white is her favorite. that night, the kids were told to go home and decorate it. have you ever tried decorating a soccer ball? not exactly pourous, and nothing stuck. even permanent markers. (i later learned that only sharpies work). so finally we found some paints that seemed to work. a little later, we had a very colorful ball. i was sort of worried, because i thought maybe she would be upset that it was no longer black and white, but she did not say anything. later that night, i was cleaning up the paints, and noticed that they said "washable" -- and i knew instantly that the paint would be off in 3 seconds, the minute that ball got wet in the morning grass. i warned her, and said that it might fade. well, fade it did. when i picked her up, she had a brand new, totally black and white ball. when i asked her about it, she said "i like it better this way. i don't want to color it..."

interestingly, tonight, when i asked her what her favorite sport was, she said "art."

today they were supposed to have a huge water fight, but it rained, so it was postponed. yesterday i went on a 2-county search or a super soaker water gun, and finally found something suitable at the dollar store. that and water balloons, which, if you were wondering, are something that an almost 3-year-old cannot help but pick up and throw inside the house, no matter how many times you have told him that it is not to be touched...so, after soccer, with a bag of water balloons and 2 huge super water squirter things, we decided to have our own water fight on the beach in the rain. this was a LOT of fun, though i think most everyone thought we were nuts, or at least i was, for allowing my children to practically swim in their rain coats. actually, ava did swim in hers.

we went strawberry picking yesterday. carter got stung by a bee, but neither child really knows that, otherwise they would never go outside again. he was fine after a bit. they had a great time otherwise, and we have been swimming in strawberries. tonight we had strawberry shortcake with fresh whipped cream. mmmm. no jam though. since 1 jar lasts for about 3 months around here, i figured that was not necessary.